I Am A POWERFUL Woman

More Joy. More Peace. More Power.

Category: Self Care (Page 1 of 2)

One Way to Deal With Loneliness

December 27, 2019 / / 0 Comments

“Loneliness is Such a Sad Affair”

I wake up and usually a negative thought or two come in uninvited.  I get a cup of coffee, sit down with a pen and paper, focus on thoughts that put the negative ones in perspective, and carry on like a champ.   

Tonight though, I’m feeling a wee bit discouraged.  The remedy? More cowbell.  

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“Survey says…”

More Cowbell probably won’t help here, but it could be a fun distraction. Self Care is what actually came to mind because it can be lathered, rinsed, and repeated as often as needed, but it’s practically bedtime and I’m stubborn.  To think of tonight as a gift…when it’s almost over and I feel gloomy–insert eye roll.

I’ve tried to pin down the thoughts causing the gloom.  I’ve narrowed the culprits down to fear and loneliness. Ah, loneliness, my old friend.  Welcome back, ya filthy animal.

*Since I refuse to look at tonight as a gift (which it is, it’s just almost over)

*or to think about how we’re all connected (which we certainly are)

*or to think about how the only thing I have any control over tonight, is HOW I CHOOSE to be (again–day’s almost over–what’s the point of making a choice to be anything and then going to bed?)

*and I prefer to wallow, instead of being good to myself, what is that I DO want?

Well, I don’t want to wallow.  

Crap!  I accidentally wrote my way out of my loneliness funk.  

What Else Can Be Done About Loneliness?

Before I unknowingly fixed my thinking (it’s that easy!) I tried to figure out what it was that I was looking for outside of myself.  

Who am I lonely for or am I just lonely?  

Who did I want to magically appear to fix things, to comfort me?  What would I want them to say that would ease the internal struggle?  Could they say anything that would help or even if they say the right words, would I let them in?

Would praying have helped?  I’m sure it would.  

“Are you there God?  It’s me Fiona. It’s me Fiooonaaaaa…“

This song gets sung around here quite often and popped into my head with the thought of praying.

I probably could’ve used a hug, but I couldn’t think of any one thing that someone else could have said. I’ve had plenty of comforting words said in the past and often they went in one ear and out the other.  I found myself a day or two later in need of more comforting words. After years of looking for that comfort from outside sources, I know this is work I must do on my own. It’s no one’s job but mine.  

I forget that these “unpleasant” thoughts show up to guide us.  They’re here so we can explore them and see what needs to be dealt with. We can feel them, process them, and then carry on.

I’ve been lonely before and it used to be more intense than it was tonight–yay progress!  Self Care has been my biggest help in dealing with that longing for a companion, because I’m only dealing with one day at a time, not the past, not the future.  

In the present, after I’ve done self care, I’m too busy living my life, taking care of my responsibilities, and working on happy projects to spend much time wallowing over the fact that there’s not a line of Prince Charmings or Young George Clooneys outside my door waiting to take me to the ball or the medical supply closet, if you get my drift.   

Even though I was initially bummed that when I sit down to watch an episode of Gilmore Girls later, I won’t be cuddling up next to Charming or Young Clooney or heck–Mature Clooney for that matter, I allowed the loneliness to come.  I felt it. I processed it and now I’m back to being okay with where I’m at in my life (Clooney FREE) at 11:00 PM. I’m ready to relax, enjoy 40 minutes in Stars Hollow, and head to bed feeling complete on my own (the way we all need to feel, whether we’re in a relationship or not.) 

The other “bad” thought pestering me was fear of the future–uhm…hello, Sarah.  It’s the FUTURE.  I can’t do any work in the future tonight.  What I can do is take a deep breath, recognize that I’m okay in this moment.  There’s no crisis at 11:00 PM for me. There’s PLENTY to get stirred up about if I CHOOSE to, but I don’t choose that.  

I have the opportunity to get  completely present, finish this blog post, relax, and get a good night’s sleep.  

Thanks for being part of this Powerful Woman community.  If you have any questions about Self Care, my routine, or how it’s assisted me in experiencing a happier now, leave a comment or message me through Facebook.  I’ll be happy to share what’s worked for me.

Make yourself a great weekend.

Much love,

Sarah B

The Obvious Choice

January 30, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Here’s the sitch.  I’ve let my chaotic home, the story of what was, and the story I’ve made up about what my life is now, dominate my brain.  I wander through many days feeling good and sorry for myself.

The reality is that some of those, what once felt hopeless, circumstances are now improving.  Instead of being grateful, I’ve continued to mourn about what hasn’t improved…what I can’t control.

So today, I have a choice.  I can use Self Care thoughts to get myself present, and to get pumped up about my future…or I can carry on as I’ve done for the last however long, and continue to suffer and struggle.

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” -Jim Rohn

The choice seems obvious.

If I leave all of this moving forward with my life business up to how I feel when I wake up, I’ll continue to stay stuck.  It’s up to me to get disciplined about daily Self Care so I can break out of this rut and live out days grounded in peace, even when life is spiraling out of control around me.  I’ve experienced this tranquility before and I know it’s possible again.

“We think we are experiencing reality but what we are really experiencing is our thinking.” -Michael Neill

Below is a quick refresher on the 4 main SELF CARE THOUGHTS I mainly use with an invite to check out WHAT EVERY PERSON CAN DO.  Be sure to let me know if you decide to go through the course and I’ll add you to the private group for extra support.

Here’s to MORE JOY, MORE PEACE, and MORE POWER for all of us!

Much love,

Sarah B
I Am A Powerful Woman

I Want To Be Drunk All The Time

August 5, 2017 / / 0 Comments

I want to be drunk ALL THE TIME.

First off…my mom raised me better than this.

Sarah Boucher | I Am A Powerful Woman | Rebel

(The picture is from The Greatest Victory and the first video I made…Lol)

My life is probably too much of an open book, but I’ve said in the recent past I’m going to be true to who I am, and if that means some people need to walk away, I’ll learn to deal.

Last night after work, my friend Amador and I went out for drinks. I’ve never understood the appeal of alcohol or why anyone would ever want to get drunk and deal with a hangover the next day.

Jason started drinking beer daily before we separated. He didn’t get drunk. It was just annoying to me because of the expense. I judged him pretty hard and even counted bottles. The EXPENSE!

When I quit being a nag, I’d taste the different beer he brought home and tease him that it all tasted like saltine crackers. He’d sit down with a pack of saltine crackers and drink a beer.  Kind of redundant in my opinion.

Since the separation I’ve dabbled in different fruity drinks and had a buzz 3 or 4 times. I’ve wondered at what point a person is considered drunk. I even Googled it one night with my bottle of coconut rum.

Well I found out last night. I had 2 Bahama Mama’s on an empty stomach. As I sat there laughing and thoroughly enjoying myself I said, “I used to feel like this all the time.”

I did! I used to feel THAT in love with life on a regular basis even in the middle of crappy circumstances – very little money, a marriage falling apart, the stress of raising a house full of kids, and trying to find myself.

I don’t really want to be drunk all the time. My tiny hangover this morning helped me recognize that, but I do want to get back into the head space where I experience that drunk on life feeling.

Life has been such a turd this last decade that I truly believe it will never be as I would have it, but that’s neither here nor there. Even in the middle of the occasional disappointments and chaos, I get to choose to feel defeated or to look around at my blessings and make a plan for the day that will leave me feeling giddy about life.

If I did it once, I can do it again.

I called Bill yesterday. He asked me how I was. I teared up and said, “Not great. I should’ve called a couple of months ago.”

I poured out my little broken heart. He offered reassurance as to my humanness and told me to, “Get the (air) hug,” and I told him I’d call him when I got off work.

Forgetting my intent to call, I got drunk instead.

I’m glad I did. To momentarily feel such elation was the perfect reminder that I didn’t used to need alcohol to accomplish that feeling.

I called Bill this morning to wrap up yesterday’s conversation. I told him about my drunken revelation and said I realize my lack of discipline where daily self care is concerned is the missing link between the way I’ve experienced life recently compared to 5 years ago..

He ended the call by saying, “We’re friends for life,” and reminded me that he’s here for me any time.

I so wish YOU had the opportunity to know Bill too. If you did, he’d make the same statements of love and support to you, but you know me instead so I’ll have to share what he’s taught me as I relearn it.

For me to move forward and not be a complete victim of my thinking as I’ve been the last couple of years, there’s 2 main ingredients.

The 1st thought to let in is that I’m loved unconditionally by at least one person. (I’m blessed enough to have more than one person love me this way.) By letting in that unconditional love means just that and it isn’t going anywhere, no matter what crazy choices I make or don’t make, I’ve been able to experience that my value in the world is indeed undisputed, as is yours and everyone else’s. I forget from time to time. This unconditional love is also a pretty great example of God’s love for us.  (Check out the book Real Love.)

The 2nd step is to reflect on a few Self Care thoughts to get myself grounded as my day starts.

  1. Everything is a miracle. (Life is a gift.)
  2. Everything is interconnected. (Every word we speak and action we take makes a difference- good or bad.)
  3. The ONLY thing I have ANY control over is how I CHOOSE to be in the world today. (As much as I’d like to orchestrate the events of my life, it just doesn’t work that way. But I get to choose how to react to what life throws my way.)

And then a 4th thought that’s been useful for me is to be gentle with myself, to treat myself with same love and compassion I show everybody else.  I really need to remember this one especially as of late. I’ve been ridiculously hard on myself and I wouldn’t dare be this way with anybody else.

So life is not as I’d have it here and now, but there is still MUCH to be thankful for and I can only do what I can to make each day a little brighter for myself and others.

Thanks for the reminder Bahama Mama!

I’m looking forward to going through life tipsy on LOVE and all things good.

You can experience the goodness of Bill’s work through his online course What Every Person Can Do.  It’s the next best thing to knowing him personally 🙂

If you have questions about the online course or if you’d be interested in going through the one on one course with me, you can message me.

My Last Day

May 15, 2017 / / 4 Comments

Here it is the middle of May.  Life is a bit of blur for me these days.

I’ve shared that I’ve been struggling to “find” happiness consistently over the last year and a half. Jason and I are officially separated.  Having been through it once, I thought it was going to be easy this time around.  No big emotions.

Boy, was I wrong!  For 4 years we’d been attempting to put back together a marriage that’d been severely damaged for 10.  Back in September, we decided together to let this 19 year journey together die.  We continued living under the same roof until the beginning of this month when he moved into his new home.  Four days later, Jason and Amelia were in a serious car wreck and OH MY GOODNESS! did I take an even bigger hit to the well being groin.  Not sure where that’s located, but it sure did hurt.

Here I sit in the middle of the chaos, trying to decide my next move.

I’ve done a great deal of thinking about perfectionism (which despite my disdain for it, I still find that I’m holding myself to its unattainable standard), low self esteem (which I truly believed I’d conquered, but realized the other day I need to go back and re-learn how to love myself right where I am), loneliness (and how to deal with that beast), finances (the lack thereof and how to get more in a way that is emotionally satisfying), friendship, guilt (how to let go and move forward), and a host of other topics all of which I want to discuss right now, but I won’t.

Reflecting on the lack of joy/well being I feel these days, it occurred to me that when I wake up each morning, I’m falling into my days.  I’m not being present.  I’m not being mindful each day of the fact that life is fragile, even after an accident that was an inch or two off from ending in fatalities, had Jason not hit the tree head on.

Jason Boucher/The Awesome Possum/Sarah Boucher/I Am A Powerful Woman

When I have lived like this day might be my last day, I felt lighter emotionally, not weighed down by worry, fear, loneliness, hopelessness.  I felt immeasurable love in my heart not only for my family, but for perfect strangers (WHAT A GOOD SHOW THAT WAS!)  I wanted to LOVE the entire world.  I didn’t take life personally.  I just went about my day with a smile on my face and when life threw a curveball at me, I thought, “Oh well. I’ll be fine or I won’t.  No sense in worrying.”

TODAY COULD BE MY LAST DAY.  

It’s a morbid thought, but some day it WILL BE my very last chance to live a day.  Living like today is it, gives each day a sense of purpose.  I’ve actually been less afraid of dying when I’ve lived like I might kick the bucket tomorrow and that’s HUGE for me.  I’ve spent most of my life afraid of dying.

Way Back When

  • Living with mortality in mind meant more patience in parenting.  I loved my kids where they were instead of trying to “fix” them.
  • I didn’t get my feathers ruffled as easily in disagreements with Jason.  I was able to let him have his opinion without thinking I had to get him to agree with mine.
  • I didn’t take as much personally.
  • I recognized that I was good enough. I had just as much value as anybody else alive and all I could do was my best (not talking about perfectionism here.  It meant I was giving the day and the people in it my all.)
  • I was thoroughly enjoying my journey and the growth I was experiencing.

The Shift

I feel happier thinking about what it felt like to live in that space and I want to be able to do it again consistently.  The good news is, it’s so possible and I can start now.  I just have to get in touch with the realization that there are no guarantees that I’ll be here tomorrow or that you’ll be.

I’m going back to the basics and the Self Care thoughts that Bill Cumming shared with me in his program What One Person Can Do (available in an online course here.)

Everything is a miracle.  Life is a miracle.

Everything/Everyone is interconnected (all 7 billion of us.)

The ONLY thing I can control today, is how I CHOOSE TO BE in the world.

And…

I’m going to stop beating myself up and holding myself to the ridiculous standard of perfectionism. It’ll take some work, but I’ll beat it.  I’m going to love and accept myself the same way I love YOU.

I’m going to quit looking for validation outside of my own body and I’m going to rock this life POWERFUL WOMAN style.

If I tap back into this way of thinking and living, I’m not going to be bogged down with worry.  I’m not going to have time to dwell on imagined scenarios of doom and gloom or even dreams of a happily ever after that may or may not ever be.  If I’m present, I’m living my happily ever after each and every day.  My cup will be running over, even in the middle of an emergency room with blood and stitches and broken bones.  I’ll be full of hope again.  I’ll see the bright side of life and the very real darkness isn’t going to feel so dark, because there’s so much you and I can do to make the load lighter for someone else.

I just have to get out of my head and back into my life.

If you can do it, I can do it and the other way around.

Here are a few closing quotes from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

“The final way to attain personal freedom is to prepare ourselves for the initiation of the dead, to take death ourself as our teacher.

We have just the present to be alive.

And of course I treat the people I love with love because this may be the last day that I can tell you how much I love you.

The love that makes me happy is the love that I can share with you.  Why do I need to deny that I love you?  It is not important if you love me back.  I may die tomorrow or you may die tomorrow.  What makes me happy now is to let you know how much I love you.”

All my love,

Sarah

Sarah Boucher/I Am A Powerful Woman

Daily Self Care

January 18, 2016 / / 0 Comments

I was told about the benefits of daily Self Care 5 years ago.  While I have tasted the sweet fruit of getting my day started off on the right foot with Self Care many times, I have yet to make it a discipline.  What the crap?!

5 years is a long time to know that doing this leaves me feeling happier and peaceful (even when life isn’t playing fair) and still not do every day.  I guess it’s no different than anything else we know is good for us that we choose not to do, like eating healthy, exercising, budgeting, and so on.  What I’m told will happen and I hope to prove to myself, is that by making Self Care a discipline, not only will I have better days more often, BUT I will be able to be more disciplined in other areas of my life by learning to be disciplined in this one.

Here are the 4 thoughts I was taught to spend time thinking about each morning.

1. We live in a miracle.

2. Everything is interconnected.

3. The ONLY thing I can control is HOW I CHOOSE TO BE in the world today.

4. Be gracious with myself.

Four thoughts.  That’s it!  That’s REALLY easy, easier than eating healthy and definitely easier than exercising.

The other day I was at work, feeling a little low and I decided to turn to Self Care to lift me out of my funk.  I started with the first thought WE LIVE IN A MIRACLE, which for me has turned into THIS DAY IS A GIFT.  I tried to get in touch with that grateful/excited to be alive feeling but it just wasn’t happening.  I didn’t feel like the day was a gift at all.  I felt sorry for myself.  Here I am standing in one spot for 12 hours, doing a really boring job, and missing my family.  The whole day is over by the time I get home.  Some gift.

I stayed in pursuit of the feeling.  I kept exploring different thoughts and then I hit one.

I thought about Joey Feek, the world’s most famous dying person.  She’s truly a beautiful soul.  I’m sure she’d like more time with her family and wouldn’t mind working in a factory to get it.  She’s not the only one. There are women all over the world and whether they are dying or in poor health, they would do ANYTHING to be able to come home and hug and kiss their families at the end of a long day.

That did it.  The “feeling” was there!  The THIS LIFE IS A LIMITED TIME OFFER/THIS DAY IS A SPECIAL ONE thought was locked in.  I was grateful for my health, for a pleasant work environment and great co-workers.  I felt grateful for the opportunity to keep creating my life, to exploring possibilities because I’M NOT STUCK. I have choices.  WE ALL DO!  Even if we get to a place in our lives where, like Joey, our choices are less and less, we still have one choice left, perhaps the most important choice of all.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—

to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

-Viktor E. Frankl

Writing this post has me raring to go.  If taking a few minutes each morning to do Self Care can help me live each day more POWERFULLY, if it can help me be more present with my family, if it can help me face hard times with more peace, what the heck have I been waiting for?

I’ve been thinking about this for a week already, but it’s time to quit thinking and start doing. Tomorrow morning, I’m waking up 30 minutes early to do Self Care instead of getting thrown into the day.

Here’s one of the first posts I wrote about Self Care way back when, if you want to see more about how I do it.

Do you have a morning routine?  I’d love to hear about it and be encouraged by your discipline as I start my own.  Leave your thoughts here or on Facebook 🙂

I Am A Powerful Woman shirt

 

 

 

 

 

 

If YOU are ready to experience more peace and less struggle, I’d LOVE to personally go through the What One Person Can Do program with YOU.
This conversation has been conducted in schools, corporations, prisons, and one on one with the program’s founder, Bill Cumming, and other program conveners for 30 years.  Space is EXTREMELY limited for anyone wishing to go through this with me.  I only have room to work with 10 women, so click HERE to contact me (or Bill) with questions and to grab your spot.
There’s also an online version of the program available HERE.  It’s an incredibly affordable option. 12 weeks of support for what 1 hour of counseling would cost!  But…and I know this firsthand, even reasonably priced is not an option sometimes, so don’t write this off. Partial and full scholarships are available for those that need them and are serious about going through the work for both the online and one on one programs.

 

Happy Belated New Year!

January 11, 2016 / / 0 Comments

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a good New Year’s Eve post. Naturally it was about coming to the end of the year and preparing for the new one. She talked about writing things down that you want to put behind you and creating a ritual of burning, burying, or immersing the paper. Ain’t nobody with 5 kids got time to burn pain (or to write a New Year‘s post within the first week of the year for that matter. That’s not entirely true, but it’s my excuse for now, so indulge me.)

She talked about loving the feeling she gets on New Year‘s Eve,

“that the universe has been generous to me, to have let me stick around for another year, and to now erase the slate and give me another chance.

Tomorrow I will be gifted with a brand new year – with no mistakes in it yet, and no heartbreaks yet, and no failures yet. I get to try again. Amazing.

You will be gifted with this huge blessing too. A clean and empty book awaits us all. Maybe we will be able to write things differently this time. Maybe a bit better. Maybe we will be wiser this time. At least we get to try.

We have all been given a fresh chance.

Let’s close the old book, and open a new one.”

As I read her words I got a thrilling feeling thinking about approaching EACH NEW DAY this way (without the burning, burying, or water mess, but if you have time for that, go for it.) But seriously, EACH DAY is an occasion, a celebration, a fresh start, a new chance, a clean slate, a new book. “Maybe we will be able to write things differently this time. Maybe a bit better. Maybe we will be wiser this time. At least we get to try.”

Taking time to reflect on the day we’ve lived, what went right, what we’d like to do better tomorrow, how we want to be, that is Self Care. It’s living intentionally and it makes for a beautiful life experience, one that YOU are present for and fully engaged in. I want to challenge myself to live this way, one day at a time.

I read Liz’s thoughts and had thoughts to add to her good thoughts, so I’m assuming YOU might have some thoughts to add too.  Please do!  Leave them in the comment section here or over on Facebook.

Happy belated NEW YEAR and a very HAPPY TOMORROW!

Love,
Sarah

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If YOU are ready to experience more peace and less struggle, I’d LOVE to personally go through the What One Person Can Do program with YOU.
This conversation has been conducted in schools, corporations, prisons, and one on one with the program’s founder, Bill Cumming, and other program conveners for 30 years.  Space is EXTREMELY limited for anyone wishing to go through this with me.  I only have room to work with 10 women, so click HERE to contact me (or Bill) with questions and to grab your spot.
There’s also an online version of the program available HERE.  It’s an incredibly affordable option. 12 weeks of support for what 1 hour of counseling would cost!  But…and I know this firsthand, even reasonably priced is not an option sometimes, so don’t write this off. Partial and full scholarships are available for those that need them and are serious about going through the work for both the online and one on one programs.

Running Out Of Time

October 6, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Saturday I wrote my most well received blog post to date.  (You can read that HERE.)  It’s been really exciting!  Usually when I share a post it gets 2-5 likes.  That’s right TWO – FIVE.  This one got over 60! and several people took time to tell me they enjoyed it or that it touched them.

It was awesome to get all of that LIKE love but I couldn’t figure out what I’d done to make this one appealing.

We were all in the living room later that night and Jason said, “Do you know what happiness is?”

I quickly replied, “2,000 views on your blog post!”

He was actually referring to family time, but whatever 🙂

When thinking about why this post was embraced and the others go mostly unread, I decided it was because the picture and title I chose made it look like Jason and I might be Moving On from each other.  And so I’ve decided that all future blog posts will be teasers of some sort.

Thanks to all of you that read, liked, commented and shared that post.  That really was a treat!

I feel like there’s a lot of pressure in writing subsequent posts now.  I sat down for an hour or two last night and tried to write something worth reading.  I got nothing.  

I sat down again this morning about 9:30 and threw out some thoughts that will EVENTUALLY be posts but it’s just not happening yet.  

It’s 11:30 a.m. and I’m starting to freak out a little.  I was supposed to go to work this morning but I called out in order to have more time to get our stuff ready to move.  Instead of organizing, I’m obviously writing.

Thankfully Jason is out “adulting” so I can finish this post, get dressed, and appear to have been working hard by the time he gets home.  Unless one of you talks, he’ll never know.  

It’s no secret that I’m unorganized.  I’m literally running out of time today.  It’s decision time.  Will I sit and continue to let time slip by or will I wrap these thoughts up and move on to the next task?  

I’ve made a decision.  Here are my TIME TO WRAP IT UP thoughts.

  • No guilt.  It’s 100% okay to do something enjoyable, whether or not it makes a larger contribution in some way or produces an income.  If it contributes to your personal happiness, that is MUY IMPORTANTE!  Nurture yourself.  Buy and read that book.  Watch that movie.  Go out with that group of friends once a month.  Take that class.  Take time to write.  Be good to yourself.  It’s been said many times by many people that taking care of yourself allows you to be there MORE for others.  I can vouch for that.
  • You matter too.  YOU wouldn’t deny ANYONE ELSE the right to take time for themselves; time to relax, to create, to soak in life.  YOUR need for that time is ABSOLUTELY as important as theirs.
  • Think about the BIG PICTURE for the day and find a balance. – What is the feeling you want to have at the end of the day?  How do you want to use your time?  Make a plan and go for it!  Don’t forget to do nice things for yourself too.  

If I think about my day at this point (I’m embarrassed to say what time it is now) and what I’d like to accomplish, then I know what I need to do to make it happen.  I can take an honest look at what’s most important to me for the day, when I think about the feeling I want to have when I go to sleep tonight.  It might mean I don’t finish this post right now.  I know making progress on the house would FEEL GREAT.  I know that if I don’t haul butt upstairs and organize, then while I’m at work tomorrow and Jason moves stuff over to the new house, he gets to decide what gets moved and what gets tossed.

Uhm…yeah…gotta go!

I really enjoyed reading your responses to the last post so let’s do that again 🙂

What is it you love to do or would love to do more of?  Are you good about making time to do it?  Leave your answer here or over on Facebook.

How To Have A Great Day

September 27, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Friday was a GREAT day! I got the kids on the bus, made a quick call to Bill to catch up with him after his recent workshops in England.  I got off the phone and decided to take a little bit of quiet time and plan my day and maybe even write a little before tackling the house.  It was a wreck.  I’ve been working 3 twelve hour days a week for a little over a month.  On my days off, instead of staying home and cleaning, I’ve been off with Jason in search of fun inventory for The Awesome Possum or house hunting.    

I sat down with a cup of coffee and started writing.  I don’t do it enough and I REALLY enjoy it.  There are ALWAYS other tasks that need to be done and I’ve felt so stifled creatively, but the words flowed that morning.  As I was wrapping up my post (you can read it here) I got a text.  

beth and sarah

My friend Beth wanted to drive 40 minutes to see me.  Panic set in.  I wanted to spend time with her.  We haven’t seen each other in 6 months but she couldn’t possibly come over.  Beth is so organized and put together.  She’s one of my oldest friends and has seen my messy house many times but this time was different.  She’s got 8 month old Finlee now and I couldn’t imagine that sweet baby on my dirty floor.  My vehicle decided to give me grief a week ago and we’re down to 1 car for the time being, so I couldn’t meet her anywhere.  I told her she couldn’t come over but we could go out to eat.  

You’d have thought I was going on a date the way I prepared for lunch. Like I said, Beth is ALWAYS put together (for example she and 8 month old Finlee were both wearing WHITE! AND STAYED CLEAN!!!) but she also works for a dentist. I took extra care brushing with toothpaste and hydrogen peroxide for EXTRA bright teeth. I don’t get out enough 🙂

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We had a nice lunch and then went to a few little shops around my tiny town in search of birthday presents for a couple of friends, to no avail.

When she dropped me back off, I went inside and started cleaning.  I worked for a few hours.  The kids got home from school in the middle of the cleaning stint.  I could’ve cleaned for days, but settled for the downstairs being good enough.  We ordered pizza and watched Hocus Pocus.  CLASSIC! The girls loved it.

I fell asleep during the second movie but when we moved upstairs to bed, I got a second wind and stayed awake until around 2:00 watching Friends on Netflix.  I’m so not okay with the fact that all of those actors and actresses are now in their 50’s and I’m quickly approaching 40.

There was nothing extraordinary about the day but it felt special.  It felt complete.  I love days that feel complete.  They occur more often when I take time to think about my day, when I take time to do Self Care.  When I don’t take time to “set my intentions” for the day or to recognize that life is going by quickly (Jennifer Aniston is 50 for crying out loud!) then I’m just reacting to what life hands me instead of creating a day that feels complete.  

Yesterday wasn’t a great day for me.  I didn’t take time to get grounded in my well being.  I didn’t take time to pray/do Self Care.  I woke up and fell into the day.  I chose to dwell on some pretty unpleasant thoughts ALL DARN DAY.  I KEPT on choosing them over and over.  I kept choosing to look at a picture that triggered the thoughts.  It was a choice.  I created my unpleasant day.  It was rough.  There was a happy period in the day when my kids asked me to play games with them.  As you’ll recall, the upstairs of the house hadn’t been cleaned yet.  I told my son I had work to do and he insisted I take time to play.  I’m so glad I did.   

Anyway, this morning I woke up a little down and these thoughts helped me get back on track this morning and I hope they’ll be of use to you too.

Don’t get going on your day just yet.  What do you want from today?  How are you going to live today fully?  What do you want to do with your time?  Who would you like to spend time with?  How do you want to feel at the end of the day?  Think about it.  

Now…you’re ready.  Make it a great day.

For more on Self Care click here and here.

If you’re struggling or dealing with a loved one in pain, check out What Every Person Can Do.  It’s incredibly affordable.  12 weeks of support for what 1 hour of counseling would cost!  But…and I know this firsthand, even reasonably priced is not an option sometimes, so don’t write this off. Partial and full scholarships are available for those that need them and are serious about going through the work.  If you have questions for me, you can get in touch with me here.

 




I Want Balance, Lots and Lots of Balance

April 30, 2015 / / 0 Comments

You know those days when there’s nothing to be upset about but you just feel down or unsettled? I’ve been feeling that way lately and I discovered the reason while listening to a Zig Ziglar audio a few days ago.

Zig was talking about the 7 areas of our life that, when worked on, leave us feeling a sense of balance and set us up to lead a more successful life.  As he was talking, I recognized that my life is pretty dang unbalanced and knew instantly what was bothering me the most and how to fix it.

7 areas of life

Another reason I get frustrated and feel “off” from time to time is because I try to tackle all 7 areas at once.  I’m all over the place and I’ve struggled to move forward with any consistency in any one of these areas.

Why am having so much difficulty moving forward?

Bill and I discuss this problem in today’s video.  (We had a technical glitch at the end but the audio continues.)

Sarah, I, 4_24_15 from Bill Cumming on Vimeo.

If you missed last week’s video, click here.

For the Ziglar audio, click here.  (There’s a big pause halfway through the audio but it picks back up after a couple of minutes.)

I truly appreciate your presence in the P-dub Hub and over on Facebook!  Feel free to share your thoughts or questions about everything posted.  I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!  Post  inspiring videos, songs, and posts on the wall.

What I’d really really love is if YOU share your experience of growing in your POWER, accomplishments (big or little as much and often as you’d like to share) or a post about the women in your life who inspire you.

 So let the sharing begin!

 I’m so happy to be connected to each of you and want only the best for YOU!

Sarah

P.S. I’d like to encourage you, if you’re struggling or dealing with a loved one in pain, to check out What Every Person Can Do.  It’s incredibly affordable.  12 weeks of support for what 1 hour of counseling would cost!  But…and I know this firsthand, even reasonably priced is not an option sometimes, so don’t write this off.  Partial and full scholarships are available for those that need them and are serious about going through the work.

Always Do Your Best-This Marriage Stuff Part 2

December 8, 2014 / / 0 Comments

Jason and Sarah 2014Last week I wrote about my marriage (click here to read that) and asked for pointers on getting more connected to the man I share my life with and have been friends with for over half my life.  I really appreciate all of you who shared your thoughts.  I’m condensing them here and hitting the highlights.

Jacqui-

“I advise you treat your marriage sacred like God intended and be grateful for what you have versus what you don’t, and definitely keep your marriage issues private between you, God and your husband…Good luck, you two will be in my prayers!”

Glenda-

My vote is that you go back to that therapist and start where you are at this moment. If an intersection is blocked, walking around drinking coffee and holding hands will not clear the path–although, walking and holding hands are excellent ways to approach the de-construction.

Cari-

Remember that marriage is a call to teach God’s love to the foreign culture we call our husband. Sometimes i have to step back and try to figure out how to relate to him. Sometimes I have to step back and give him room. What helps most of all is to remember the good times and try to get him to do the same. “Remember when we met?” is a good starter.

Bridget-

…we actually just started communicating better when I got ill. We threw everything right out on the table for one another, no matter how bad or heartbreaking it was. That night showed us how much we actually love and care about each other.

Nancy

It’s little things that matter. Take some time each day to show him you appreciate him. Maybe set up a regular date so you guys can connect. Sharing a cup of coffee in the morning or allowing a half hour of uninterrupted time for each other in the evening.

Janice-

You remember what drew you to him in the first place. Oh, and going to the beach is nice, if not, go for a long walk…..without kids.

Kerri-

Kiss. 15 seconds, no less every day. Even if you don’t want to. Carve out fifteen minutes of alone time together. Even if it is a walk or a coffee. I constantly feel disconnected with so many kids and a full time job, and my husbands PTSD. It is a struggle….but!!! When something is as important as marriage you do everything to keep it from being tarnished—you polish it every day.

Here’s what happened after that post.  I started thinking there were steps I could follow to fix our marriage.  I also started searching for that feeling of re-connection and happiness from him which led to some creepy neediness from me.  It felt horrible.  I don’t want to do THAT to me or him again.  I’m sure I’ll slip up and end up there from time to time, but I sure as heck hope I catch it sooner than I did this past week.  He lovingly saw me through it but we’re both exhausted and it didn’t make us feel any more connected.

Anyway, here’s what I ultimately learned and know to be true from my little visit to CRAZY TOWN.

No amount of kind words or thoughtful actions on either of our parts will fix anything or make the other person feel complete or loved.  Those activities are nice and should be done daily, but we both have to do the work of being completely happy and whole on our own to enjoy a happy healthy relationship, free of neediness, grudges, finger pointing, or guilt and shame.

The ONLY thing either one of us can do is DO OUR BEST each day to work on ourselves and be nice to our partner.  We’ve agreed that this is the best course of action, doing our best, which made me think about The Four Agreements because the fourth agreement is Always Do Your Best.

Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I’ve decided to give away a copy of the book in January to a member of the POWERFUL Woman community (The P-dub Hub.)  To become an official member of the community and be entered into each month’s give away automatically, just fill in the form below.

Goodnight and good luck from the Kentucky Lottery!

Wait!  That’s the wrong sign off.  Let me try again.

My name is Sarah Boucher and I approve this message.

Join below!!!  I’m throwing in a little something besides the book as well.  I just haven’t decided what yet 🙂

 

 

 

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