Last night, I sat in Shoe Carnival with a box of work boots in my lap and teared up. My 40 hour a week job reduced our hours by an entire day or two a week. In a bit of a panic, I called all the temporary work agencies in my area and secured a spot in a different production setting. I miss selling life insurance.
There’s been a knot in my stomach since yesterday and tears well up at certain thoughts.
I’m disappointed by so many aspects of my life.
I’m disappointed my marriage didn’t work out, disappointed with my bank account, disappointed about having to start another new job, disappointed with my spiritual journey, disappointed with the job I did raising five children (They suffered because I didn’t do a better job at adulting.) I’m disappointed with my weak thoughts that beckon me to make poor life choices.
How quickly I went from feeling super inspired a few days ago to wanting to give up today. When I say give up, it sounds quite dramatic. I don’t want to end my life, but I would love to take a big break from this heavy burden. I feel weary.
“Anyone can give up; it is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would expect you to fall apart, now that is true strength.”
the way of the sword
― Chris Bradford
I spent some time analyzing my negative headspace and here are five thoughts that helped me regain perspective and get some peace.
There are ALWAYS choices available.
I’m not stuck in my current circumstances. As stuck as I may feel, I always have choices available, even if my choice is to do nothing. This applies to what I do with the rest of my day and the larger picture.
This is temporary.
“The only constant in life is change.” I won’t always work the job I start tomorrow. I have a plan, and this is a small part of that plan. I can handle the discomfort for a little while knowing it’s temporary.
Am I safe? I am.
In this moment, I’m okay. There isn’t anyone banging down my door to take my money, drag me off to jail, or end my life. I can calm down and take care of what needs to be taken care of tonight. I can get present.
I’m not alone.
Other women have walked this single mom journey before me and there are hundreds of thousands of women walking it beside me now.
I’m not alone in my home. There are three children under my roof who could use some love and attention right this very minute.
I’m not alone in my life. I can reach out to friends and family and ask for help, emotionally and tangibly. Support is one text or call away.
There’s no guarantee of tomorrow.
With that being said, how do I wish to go about the rest of today? Do I want to mope and bring my kids down with me or do I want to create a productive evening, with some quality kid time built in?
What are your go to thoughts for getting out of a funk? I’d love to hear them. Leave a comment.
Break the old agreements you have with yourself and replace them with these life changing ones!
