Are You Reacting or Creating?

Have you ever had your day planned out? You are going to get a shower first, grab a quick bowl of cereal with the kids, load up and go to the library. Then all you want to do is come home and relax with those good books and movies. The perfect Saturday.

You’re all set to go.

You get up and get your shower–check. You call the kids to the table for cereal and they come running in. As they fuss over who sits where, the phone rings. You see it’s your friend Jennifer. You answer. Jennifer has some crisis and is headed out of town. She promised to take Jill’s five kids for the day so Jill and her husband could go to the 10th Annual Yodeling Championship where they have competed and taken first place for 10 straight years. You can’t say no. You don’t want to disappoint Jennifer or Jill. After all, they have always been there for you when you needed them.

That quiet day with your kids just turned into an all day kidfest because you reacted to the phone ringing. You diverted from your original family day plan and answered the phone. This might seem harsh but

a. Jennifer could have called five other friends when you did not pick up

and

b. There are enough people in your life that you could spend your ENTIRE life running here and there to please others–allowing them to accomplish EVERYTHING on their to do list while yours goes undone.

Are you living life this way? Are you reacting to every call, text, and request that comes your way or are you creating your day and a life you live joyfully each day?

“Make each day your masterpiece.”

Don’t Miss All The Fun

Whose rules are you following?

Whose day are you living?

Is it your day?

A little over five years ago, I learned that I get a say in the way I spend my time. I was living my life as a complete people pleaser and feeling used up and drained when I read Boundaries.

Are there people in your life telling you what you should and shouldn’t do?

You should get a job.

You should do this with your money.

You should parent your kids this way.

You should sign up for this committee.

You should…should…should…

You shouldn’t…shouldn’t…shouldn’t…

It occurred to me recently that I do not need all of these extra voices swirling around in my head. I am fully capable of making wise choices and if I make a mistake–I learn from it and move on. I will be okay and so will you.

I was not created with unique gifts to become a people pleaser and stifle my dreams. I was not created to make someone else look good or to fit into a set mold.

Disclaimer!!! There is a difference between loving and serving others by choice (which is a most excellent and worthy pursuit and one I suggest making part of your life) and being manipulated and controlled by others. FREEDOM!!! Not anything goes freedom. Not freedom to the detriment of others. But pure joy that comes from having healthy boundaries and not reacting all day to the demands of others. For instance, I’m not going to yell “FIRE” in a crowded theater, for the thrill of it, to the detriment of others. But it is okay to have healthy boundaries and say YES to you and no to the friend that continually takes advantage of your kindness. You know the friend I am referring to. The one that when the phone rings and you see her name pop up, you hesitantly answer.

I might offend some with this post, but for those of you who have people pleased until you are SOOO unhappy and you feel lost, I hope somehow this frees you up to say no from time to time and take a stand for you.

The truth is the people you are trying to please aren’t thinking about you. They are busy worrying about how they are using their time and what people were going to think about what they are doing. And if they are spending time fretting about your life–they need to stop trying to control your life and start living theirs.

Grab a pen and paper and jot down these three life changing tips.

1. JUST SAY NO!

If you don’t want to go to that event you feel obligated to go to–then don’t.

If you don’t want to answer the phone–then don’t.

You get the point.

2. DON’T STAY STUCK!

You have choices available to you in any situation. You never have to do anything you don’t want to do. People may not love what you decide to do, but it is your life.

3. POLITELY TELL THE WORLD TO KISS YOUR GRITS : )

If you want to be free of people pleasing, you cannot worry about ruffling feathers. You either want to live your life or you want to live to please others.

I have found that Katherine Hepburn was right. I have experienced much more fun since I quit following all of the rules.

I became a risk taker. I get an idea and I go for it. Guess what?! Sometimes my ideas don’t go anywhere but it is so much fun to try.

I say NO more often. I do not answer the phone every time it rings. Guess what?! I have missed a couple of really important calls, but I survived and so did the person on the other end. Advice–be sure to call them back by the end of the day.

I would love for you to come on over to fb and connect with me there!

–Sarah Jean