The Boucher Family
When I started I Am A Powerful Woman on facebook, my biggest problem was that we were a family of seven with very little income. I was on top of the world emotionally. I was no longer a victim of my own thinking. I was creating my days instead of reacting to them. Nothing could bring me down or so I thought. I was living through tough financial times and I wasn’t freaking out over everyday challenges. In all our years of marriage I felt like we always had our priorities straight. We didn’t have money but we had each other and five healthy kids. We were rich indeed. And it was just getting ready to turn around for us financially. My husband was promoted to management and we finally had enough money to get on top of our financial situation.
My husband moved out of the house a month ago. I was completely blindsided. My well being flew out of the window and I crashed hard. I am not angry–just very sad. We are not at each others’ throats. Our communication is civil and the situation could be much worse than it is, but it is still not at all the way I would choose for my life to be going. I was CRAZY in love with him and my life was completely intertwined with his. I am still scratching my head over this turn of events and what is to become of me.
Some of my first thoughts were that I would be okay one day. I will get through this and it is an opportunity to explore my life independently. I was a young wife and mother and have never been independent from another grown up. Some days I have been just fine. Other days I don’t know how I could ever be happy again.
I thought recently about how much pressure he was under to provide for such a large family and how unhappy he was in that struggle–especially the last couple of years. During his darkest days was when I learned I had control over my thoughts and could be happy regardless of other people’s emotional state and actions. I soared. He sunk.
My feelings of despair have really shaken me up. Will I ever be happy again? How is it possible that I was able to feel happiness in the midst of his stress, but I can’t feel it now? How can I separate my life from his and find myself again? Where did my POWER go?
Have you been in my position? Are you here now? I am very curious as to how others coped through these hard days of learning a new way to live without sinking into despair and not functioning. The best advice I have been given for really rough days is to ask myself, “Am I breathing?” and then ask, “What’s the next thing?” With five kids, there is always a next thing to be done.
I cannot change the past. It is what it is. The ONLY thing I can control is the way I CHOOSE to BE in the world today.
I made a list yesterday of all of the things that I have done for myself or that others have done for me that have encouraged me during this time. Here are a few of the things on my list.
* bubble bath
* candles
* an $8 purse
* Pumpkin Spice Latte
* dinner with a couple of friends (Yummy Mexican food!!!)
* my mom took me to the movies (a lovely distraction–We saw Dark Knight Rising. Nothing like fighting and killing to get over a broken heart.)
* I bought a puppy for my kids
Puppy Power!
* Loads of love and support from friends and family–texts and calls. These have meant so much to me.
How did you cope? What did you do (or are presently doing) to make it through a similar situation? What helpful books did you read? Comment below or come over to fb and share.
I have also been through a storm, a storm which has been raging for three years. I lost my father three years ago to complications with cancer. My father was slowly withering away for almost a year before he passed; I tried to remain strong for him. My father directed me to handle all his burial and legal affairs after his passing. I was in my fathers’ presence everyday from his diagnoses till his last breathe. I took care of all his arrangements and legal affairs after his death; I remained strong until the last deed was done. After all the dust settled I fell apart, lost, and became depressed.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise when my husband of fourteen years told me he was not happy and wanted a divorce. I felt what little drive I had in me slowly dwindle away. I was hurt, shocked, confused, angry, and felt abandoned. I had lost my father, someone so special and close to my heart, now my husband. This situation could have wiped me out but instead it had the opposite affect on me. It WOKE ME UP, and opened my eyes. I began to see how my sadness and actions, good or bad had poisoned my marriage and family. After a few months had passed, with many discussions, and praying I began to see. I knew that he saying he wanted a divorce was out of frustration and despair. He had been trying but did not know what else to do, in regards to me. I knew that as a woman/wife/mother I had not been there, I had been lost. My husband thought I should have been better by now, in a better place.
I’m sharing this because I have been there, in the midst of chaos. Feeling alone lost, sad, upset and abandoned. I made a CHOICE to fight and show him I could change. That I was still the woman he loved and cared for. I began the journey of putting the pieces back together, putting my husband and children first, after God of course. It’s still scary because once you say those words, “I want a divorce”, changes the foundation. It lingers around in your head, never really going away. Reading scripture, books and blogs have helped me greatly. This situation has taught me to put my trust in God and seek his words. I know I cannot change the past, but I am thankful for it. It shapes who I am and how I handle the future. It has made me fully aware of my husbands NEED for me. My presence, my support, to uplift him, to love him, honor him, comfort him, care for our children, and have a safe haven for him to come home to. This IS who I am, and this is what I had lost hence his loss of happiness. Getting me back has put us back on track and I am much happier.
I have been thinking about this as there is a lot of diiusscson going on in the media about what makes a person happy, and indeed what is happiness. To me it is a state of mind but what makes me happy? There are all the usual trite comments about money, health, property. However I can think of many people who have these, all or in any mix, and are not happy. There is also one which is being mooted around that you can create happiness by doing a good turn for a stranger every day. In this climate I can foresee a lot of problems if a good deed is forced on someone, not everyone would accept it in the spirit it is meant. From several happenings and diiusscsons I have had this week I have come to the conclusion that what makes me happy is friendship. For this and in this I am truly happy. I hope this does not make me seem smug but it is how I feel, I know it is not advice but hope other contributors may feel the same way.