Tag Archives: confidence

Self Sabotage

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I haven’t been making time to write and the rare moments I sit down to do so, my brain feels all clogged up.  I even put off writing by cleaning.  That feels bizarre but I also like the results I’m getting.

There are a few reasons that I can see that I’m not writing consistently.

1. Lack of confidence/fear- What if it’s not clever enough, like Marc and Angel who hack everything there is in life to hack?  What if it doesn’t provide any value?

2. Perfectionism- I put so much pressure on myself to make sure everything I write is the right combination of words.  It takes way too long to compose what should be a quick Facebook post, email, or Birthday card.  What takes the average person 2 minutes to write, takes me 10.  No joke.

3. Lack of discipline/time management- I can squeeze in 15 or 30 minutes into my now super duper busy schedule.  I’m working a full time job now and have about four hours a day to get done what needs to get done.  That’s housework, a side job, family time, and writing projects.  That’s a pretty tall order, but not impossible.  There’s also about an hour in the middle of the night, when I get home from work, that I’m wide awake and have been spending watching Netflix as I get sleepy.

Steve Chandler, the man I credit for flipping the switch on my thinking with his book 100 Ways To Motivate Yourself, sent out this recent email.  At first I didn’t connect with it at all, but as I was procrastinating, by doing housework and filling up my four hours with everything but writing, it came back to me and STUCK.

Robert Kegan quotes William Perry, a favorite
teacher of psychology of his at Harvard, “Whenever
someone comes to me for help, I listen very hard and
ask myself, ‘What does this person really want–
and what will they do to keep from getting it?'”

This is a question worth asking ourselves (and our
clients when they come to us for help.)

What do I really want, and what will I do to
keep from getting it?

My first night at work, my trainer asked me what I did before coming to this job.  I told him that I’d mostly been a stay at home mom and worked a few part time jobs over the years. I hesitated and then decided to share about the last four years of personal development and my desire to share what’s worked for me with others.  He was very curious about the What One Person Can Do program.  Each break, he’d ask me to tell him more.  As we talked, I knew this program could support him in his situation.

All of that to say, THAT’s one of the things I want to be doing!  I want to be spreading the news about THAT program that had a SIGNIFICANT impact on the way I live my life, a life that used to be riddled with worry and stress and is now positive and more often than not, worry free.

There’s still a ton of circumstances I could be freaking out about on a daily basis, but I’ve learned to do what I can and go on to have a VERY enjoyable day, EVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS.  I WANT THAT FOR EVERYBODY!

Here are the things I have control over, keeping me from having what I want.

1. Lack of confidence–Telling myself I’m not qualified to share.  You know, I need some letters behind my name or something. (Side note–I mentioned to my trainer that I know I’m holding myself back because I’ve been “just a mom” for all these years to which he replied, “That probably makes you MORE qualified.”  THANKS MISTER!)

2. Perfectionism–If I can’t do this well, because of the lack of letters behind my name, then I might as well not do it at all.

3. Lack of discipline–not writing and sharing daily.

And here are my 3 responses to myself where all of the negativity and holding myself back is concerned.

1. Everybody has something to contribute.  We’ve all learned valuable lessons from our experiences.  I’ve experienced peace in the middle of times of trouble and that’s not something you learn in college.  Someone else can experience stress free times too if I’ll just open my mouth.

2. I need to get started and let GOOD ENOUGH be enough, because I am NEVER going to be perfect and really I don’t want to be.  I’ll do my best and have a great time doing so.

3.  Make contact daily, even if it’s one small task or a 15 minute writing session.

There are many things that I want and I need to get good and clear on how it all looks, but for now I’m starting with writing more and sharing What One Person Can Do as well as the online version What Every Person Can Do. Wish me luck!

What about you?  What do you do to keep yourself from having what you REALLY want?  Leave a comment below if you feel like sharing.  I’d love to hear from you 🙂

Sarah Boucher

Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to grow in their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there.  If you have questions about What One Person Can Do or the online version, email sarahboucher@iamapowerfulwoman.net or bill@oneperson.net with What One Person Can Do in the subject line.

 




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5 Posts YOU Loved

5 Posts YOU Loved

In a recent blog I talked about the writer’s BLOCK I’ve had for some time. Between that and facebook’s recent algorithm changes, I’ve mostly been sharing great posts from other pages. I enjoy sharing what encourages me. I don’t share random thoughts or posts from others. You’ll be able to tell what’s going on in my world by the posts I share. Occasionally I share posts that don’t apply to me. If I do, it’s because I think it might encourage a friend going through a difficult time, but mostly I see one and I’m like, “I really needed to see this today.”

I think it’s interesting to look at the ones that get the most response from you.

Here are the Top 5 Posts YOU Loved from this past week.
Click on each image to be connected to the corresponding facebook page.

#5 From Joy of Mom
Joy of Mom Trust Your Gut
I posted this one because I hear my gut more clearly than I used to. That doesn’t mean I always listen, but I know the minute I tell someone I’m going to do something whether it’s in line with my gut/soul’s vision.

#4 From Sara Brown – Use it 2 lose it
You Are Amazing
This one was shared because I think all of you are absolutely AMAZING women and I want to encourage you to see yourselves that way.

#3 From Womenworking.com
Love Yourself
When I was at rock bottom 7 years ago, I asked my mom, who happens to be a therapist (her words come in handy in rock bottom moments like these) how I could get some confidence. I felt completely useless and worthless. She told me about Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements and then she said, “You are neither more nor less important than anyone else.” All of that NEW information was a turning point for me. It wasn’t an instant fix. I had to work on it, but over time I have come to see myself as worthy of love from myself and it’s made a HUGE difference. I want everyone struggling with low self esteem to experience that difference too.

#2 From Sue Fitzmaurice, Author
Get Out of Your Head
I’ve spent way too many days stuck in my head. It can be a very unpleasant place to be stuck when it’s filled with worry, fear, or self loathing. I just finished reading Finish Line Feeling by Liz Ferro. I love the way she describes what running does for her. “Running is a time during which your soul is both purged and rejuvenated. Running with a good friend is the best remedy for what ails you that a person could wish for, as your sweat washes away the sludge built up in your mind and your heart. It’s as if your problems somehow sweat themselves out of your pores, becoming dried-up salt that you can simply brush away.” I’m pretty sure that whatever means of exercise one uses, similar results are produced.I want to spend the least amount of time trudging around in my head as possible.

#1 From A Mighty Girl
Self Love
This post got the most likes this week. My theory is that as moms, we all want to spare our daughters the grief and crap we’ve been through in learning to love ourselves. The quicker we can recognize our value and learn to love ourselves, the better off our daughters will be. They’ll know how special they are from the time they are little and be able to get to living life to the fullest at an earlier age. This is what I want for my girls and my boys.

I LOVE to hear your thoughts, so always feel free to make comments on posts no matter what page they’re from. Let me know how you are.

I hope you have an AMAZING week. Don’t forget about Self Care 🙂

4 Self Care Thoughts

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Help!

Help…Not Just Anybody

Help!

Do you really want help?

Do You Really Want Help?

I am at a place in life where I am being offered a lot of help.  I am surrounded by people who love and care about me.  That’s a GREAT thing!

“Let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to help.  I mean it.”

“Do you need any help?”

“What can we do to help?”

I feel extremely loved and grateful for all of the offers of “help” but I have also learned a thing or two about help over the past year and I would like to share it with you now, by picking apart the lyrics to The Beatles song Help.

Help, I need somebody
Help, not just anybody
Help, you know I need someone, help  
The truth is, I don’t want help.  I don’t need help and The Beatles didn’t NEED help either.  The word help implies that I am not capable of doing what needs to be done to improve my mood or situation, whether it is a bad day, sickness, a death, lack of money, what have you.  
Help means..
“I NEED you to fix this for me.”  
“I’m helpless.”
When I was younger so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way I totally wanted help up until a couple of years ago.  I spent my adult life waiting for someone to swoop in and show me how to be a productive member of society.  I felt incapable of doing anything well (parenting, housework, homeschooling.)  I had zero confidence, and I wanted to be rescued. 
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured 
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down  Yikes! No one can help you feel better.  Your experience of life comes from your thinking.  Happiness always comes from inside of YOU!  No one can help you PERIOD! And–as much as you would like to, you cannot “help” anyone either.  You might be thinking of people in your life that you are currently “helping” and be completley irritated that I am saying your efforts are futile.  YOU cannot HELP or SAVE anyone.  But there is something you can do! 
And I do appreciate you being round While I don’t want anyone attempting to help me, I know the offers of assistance are coming from a place of loving kindness and I am thankful to have such wonderful caring people surrounding me during my current trial.
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please, please help me I want something better than help. 
I want your SUPPORT!  Stick with me.  There is a difference.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze 
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before
The last four lines of the song are the difference between help and support.
And The Difference Is…
The last four lines say this.  
I need you to help me.
I am needy.
I am an energy taker.  
Help me.
I will completely drain you of your time and energy.
I am insecure.  
Fix me.  
I have been that person.  I have been the energy drainer.  I am NOT interested in being that woman again.   
Support is a completely different experience than help, to the person on the receiving end.  Support is empowering.  Support means that the person assisting in whatever capacity acknowledges the POWER of the person who happens to be knocked down at the time.  Support is mutual.  The person receiving support is able to in the next moment give support back to the supporter. 
 
Support is 100% belief in another person.  Belief in their strengths and in their ability to rise above their obstacles and soar.
  
There is no feeling greater than the 100% support of another person–in my opinion. More of us would follow our dreams and reach our full potential if we would only believe in and support each other this way instead of trying to help or fix each other.
Was there a time when someone got behind you 100% and you soared?  Come find me on fb and tell me about it.  I love to be inspired by others!
  
 
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