This time last year, my life didn’t look much different than it does now. Our family was in the middle of a move, as we are now. I was settling into my job as a temp in a factory, making friends, and weighing every single possible educational/career option for my future during those long 12 hour shifts.
This time last year, I wrote a blog post about moving on. I declared that as we left our physical space, I was leaving my relationship baggage behind. We were starting fresh in a new home. We were going to be okay.
While no one was watching, I grabbed a few of those “bags.” After a couple of months, I began searching through the contents. I pulled out an unresolved issue, waved it around, and then stuffed it back in the bag. A few weeks later, I pulled out another issue and went through the same routine. I have in fact spent the last year trying to divorce my husband. It’s become our joke. Before I leave for work, Jason will often ask, “Are you going to want to divorce me when you get home?”
I love joking around with Jason. The material from our lives over the last decade gives us both a ton of comedic material to pull from. I hope we always laugh with each other.
I recently read Love Warrior. One of the mantras the author applied to her life during a MAJOR transition was DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING.
When Jason and I separated in 2012, I did NOT do the next right thing.
I did MOST OF THE THINGS you aren’t supposed to do in a separation. I broke common sense rules. I’m still so shocked by my actions.
When I came to my senses, I went on a mission to figure out where I went wrong. Where had my brain disappeared to in the months that followed the separation?
In my search, I got together with a couple of single women who appeared to have handled the transition better than I had. I was ready to learn.
“Are you acting…crazy?” one of them asked in a playful manner.
“YES!”
“Go to Barnes and Noble RIGHT NOW and get the book, Crazy Time. I’ve read it more than once.”
I did as I was instructed. I didn’t make it to the end of the book, but the beginning was about losing it, in one way or another, and how some people SNAP completely and go on to kill their exes or commit suicide…or both. I sure am glad I didn’t reach SNAP level crazy, just super poor decision making skills level crazy.
Why don’t people talk about this more?! It’s like we’ve all secretly agreed to not talk about this CRAZY TIME and other traumatic events and big feelings that follow.
Well thanks a lot people! I could’ve used the warning.
Consider this post your warning from me.
As you might imagine, a year of waving around those unresolved issues and living in limbo has taken its toll on both of us. It hasn’t all been bad. It never was. We’ve had more than enough happy moments to replace all of the bad ones.
So what happens next?
I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen, because plans change regularly around here, but as a family, we’re headed in a direction where healthy and happy is the goal for all seven of us. In the meantime, I have the opportunity to DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING daily. I think I’ll print that out and hang it everywhere, just in case I forget.
Thanks for reading!
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If you’re struggling or dealing with a loved one in pain, check out What Every Person Can Do. It’s incredibly affordable. 12 weeks of support for what 1 hour of counseling would cost! But…and I know this firsthand, even reasonably priced is not an option sometimes, so don’t write this off. Partial and full scholarships are available for those that need them and are serious about going through the work.
