The Boothby Institute

You Make A Difference

“Who determines a handicap? What is a hardship? When are circumstances overwhelming? The answer in every case lies with the individual. You and I determine these things by making choices that work or they don’t. Only an individual can decide when things are overwhelming.” You make a difference. You get to choose whether it will be a positive one or a negative one.

Steven Ray Gabhart
April 20, 2012
My father is 60 years old and lives in half of a tiny nursing home room. 60 years old! It is unfathomable to me to think about anybody that young living in that environment day after day–to have a sound mind but a broken body, to be surrounded by a building full of elderly people who don’t know where they are and are just trying to get home, to have your neighbors crying for help, wandering in and out of your room lost, sometimes messing with your feet and not being able to protect yourself, to push the nurse’s call button in this situation and not be attended to for five minutes or more, to have to depend on others for everything, to have none of the comforts of home, to be talked to like a child and to be told what you MUST do without a say. I can’t imagine not being able to attend my father’s funeral because I need around the clock care at 60.

Sometimes I become very angry with myself for not becoming a doctor or a lawyer when I had that full ride to college. I frittered it away. I quit. If I had only known.

When I talk about finding a way to help my dad get into his own home again, it is encouraging to have a handful of supporters who see the possibility. The naysayers pat me on the back, offer their sympathies, and tell me why I can’t. As you will find in pursuing your own goals, the naysayers usually outnumber the cheer leaders. I just politely nod and resolve even more to prove them wrong.

This is what I know. If I was in my dad’s situation, I would pray every day that someone would go to bat for me.

My WHY is very strong and because of that, I have full confidence I will succeed. I have a long road ahead of me and while the odds seemed stacked against me, I will not quit.

Steve oustide smoking
May 27, 2013
My father, a United States Air Force Veteran, passed away July 15, 2012.

My grandfather passed away a couple of months before my dad and both sides of my grandparents’ families gathered together to honor him. The room was packed. Honored he was. Two months later in the same packed room, the families gathered again this time to honor my dad, only it was such a poor attempt at honoring a great man. That sounds like a very harsh criticism but it is accurate nevertheless. Cousins he was close to growing up were asked to share their favorite memories. Those were sweet stories, but there was nothing of the man he was when he died.

My brother and I were also asked to prepare something to be said about my dad. My great uncle, with his scattered notes, skipped my part of the memorial. He sincerely apologized later and I am not upset with him one iota, but I was disappointed. The reason it was a sad attempt was not my uncle’s fault. It was that the family really didn’t know my dad anymore. They lived a couple of hours away and he just wasn’t that same 14 year old boy making mischief with his cousins when he passed away. My uncle did the best he could with the information he had.

During the memorial service, his strength battling physical pain for forty years, day after day was not mentioned. FORTY YEARS. He rarely complained. You just knew he was hurting.

My dad was such a dreamer. We would sit outside the nursing home while he smoked and brainstorm businesses we could start. He really wanted to DO SOMETHING.

One day he told me that he felt like he was still 19.

From his nursing home room, he touched more lives than I was aware of. A sweet employee wrote this on his facebook wall the day after he passed away.

Steven you are among a few of the best people I have ever met in my life. It’s been a great experience knowing you… all the great LONG talks we’ve had over the years (when I was supposed to be working lol), all the crazy stories, funny jokes, and wisdom you passed along to me, all the hilarious pictures we took, endless cigarettes we smoked… I will never forget a second of it!!!!!!!!!! I know you knew how much I cared for you from the very beginning, when you came to me on 200 hall so very many years ago. And I know we were always close, but I just wish I would have told you just HOW much you really meant to me. I took all you advice to heart, I want to live my life by example of ur crazy stories, and I wanna tell my daughter your hilarious jokes (when she’s older tho cuz they were always dirty!!). You have had a great impact on my life, and I am PROUD to say I got to be so lucky to get to take care of you. Yesterday was the best I have seen you look in months, and I know you are PAINFREE, free of the MS, free of the struggles it brought you. I know you’re happy, and you’ve finally found relief and peace. I will miss you every day, and I’ll always think of you when I drink a Monster or watch a Louisville game your family is in my prayers Steven, I know a lot of people will be sad to see you go!

She also said this to me in the comments below that post.

“It was so easy to be his friend, he’s just a very loveable person. I always enjoyed spending time with him, he was always the one that I’d go have a good laugh with bc my day was going bad, and he’d always turn it around. My prayers are with u and ur family, and I’m glad u get to see people commenting on his Page, he was very much adored by everyone there.”

This young woman spent more time with my dad and knew him better than I did. I would go into that room and feel helpless and so very sorry for him. That was the message I wanted shared at his funeral–the difference that he made and the truth that none of us have to go out searching for a way to make a difference in the world. You make a difference every day. Is it a positive one or a negative one?

I am proud of my dad for the difference he made in the lives of so many people. He was a strong man even though his body was weak. He was full of jokes and laughter in the midst of constant physical pain. He was a dreamer in the face of a harsh reality and given more time, we could have made some of those dreams come true. He cared deeply for others. Steve Gabhart was a really good man and I was his princess.

Remember that you make a difference every day too.

I would love to hear about the difference the ones you are honoring today made in your life. Leave a comment below or over on I Am A Powerful Woman.

Sarah BoucherLove,
Sarah

Sarah Boucher offers encouragement for women to grow in their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman.