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Tag: inside out thinking

My Concord

Little-Women-book-cover-2-221x300
My Concord

I have loved the story of Little Women since I was a little girl. Many many women can say the same thing. A couple of years ago I stumbled upon a children’s book about the woman behind the book. Reading that book to my five year old started an insatiable obsession with Louisa May Alcott. I went on to read two biographies, a book of letters from people who knew her, a book of her journal entries, and started but never finished a book about the author and her philosophical father. They all pretty much said the same thing and to my disappointment, Louisa died at the end of every single one. I knew the obsession had gone too far when my 20 month old daughter picked up a piece of paper, studied it, and said, “Alcott.”

Louisa May Alcott www.biography.com

Louisa May Alcott
www.biography.com

Louisa’s life was much more interesting than the classic book based loosely on her life. In the book, there was no mention of Fruitlands, an experiment in communal living that almost ended in a broken marriage between her parents. There was no mention of a childhood filled with constant moving, poverty, and a deep thinking father who dearly loved but did not provide for his family. Abba Alcott and her four daughters worked tirelessly to take care of the day-to-day necessities, while Bronson was lost in thought somewhere or another. There was no mention of being home schooled by Henry David Thoreau or of perusing Ralph Waldo Emerson’s library and having that philosophic soul hand pick books for the little girl who would grow up to become the huge success she was.

What a life!

I identified with Louisa’s desire to improve her family’s economic situation. I was inspired by her hard work ethic and willingness to do whatever was needed to bring in as much money as she could for years and years without seeing any improvement in the family finances. I identified with her crazy father and his attempts to live life counter culturally. Louisa was so discouraged by poverty and such a “victim” at times that she seemed unaware of the amazing people that surrounded her and helped her family along the way–Ralph Waldo Emerson being one of the greatest benefactors and supporters of the Alcott family. I remember thinking that I should like to have a benefactor/mentor of my own. How absolutely splendid life would be with devotion and continual support from one who believed in another the way Emerson loved and supported Bronson Alcott.

It was at this point in my journey–the desire to have my own mentor, that amazing events began to unfold for me–happenings that I could not have imagined or planned for myself.

super coach academy

Like Concord, Mass. in the mid to late 1800s, there is a school of philosophy otherwise known as Supercoach Academy currently in session. It was my desire to go in 2012, and listen to the great minds of my time impart knowledge to those who are open to such matters as choices in all situations, inside out experiences of life, unconditional love and so on and so forth. In an attempt to make it to “Concord,” I signed up for and listened to teleconference upon teleconference.

It was one of these programs, A Taste of Supercoach Academy where I first heard Bill Cumming (aka Ralph Waldo Emerson) speak about unconditional love and making a difference. I wanted to start implementing what I heard in that call with my family immediately and I thought, “This is someone I would like to learn more from.”

Fueled by the question, “Who’s going to stop me?” from going to Supercoach Academy, I continued to brainstorm ways to start making money sharing the powerful concepts that I had been exposed to thus far and had been so instrumental in waking me up to life.

On a teleconference regarding creating money with Michael Neill and Steve Chandler (Bronson Alcott and Henry David Thoreau–at this point any of the three of these great teachers can fight over who gets to be who–I just enjoy picturing everyone as 19th century philosophers and writers), I posed the question of what value I could place on having conversations with insurance agents without having had any formal training in insurance sales or coaching.

Michael recommended I speak with Mike Schweppe (one of the top State Farm Insurance agents in the country) and Matt (his son.) I’m sure I heard a twinkle in Michael’s voice as he said, “That should be an interesting conversation.” (Shoot! I’m out of deceased people to compare the Schweppes to.)

I had a wonderful talk with Mike and Matt, who saw right through my “desire” to assist insurance agents in being top producers and posed the question, “What do YOU want?” After hearing my answer, the Schweppes suggested that we have a second conversation with their associate Bill Cumming.

Inside my head I was like, “SHUT UP! NO FREAKING WAY!!!” But my actual response was more like, “Okay. That would be really nice.”

And so my desire to have an Emerson of my own was fulfilled. I am still amazed and thankful for the opportunity to meet, become friends with, and work on projects alongside the Schweppes and Bill.

While I was not able to travel to Concord and attend the modern day School of Philosophy, I look forward to making a pilgrimage one day and seeing Walden Pond and Sleepy Hollow Cemetery for myself. What an amazing time and place those great people lived in all interconnected, sharing new ideas, and producing brilliant works of literature.

What a great time this is!

If you want to learn more from some of the great thinkers of our time,
check out the links below.

Bill Cumming The Boothby Institute
Michael Neill Supercoach.com
Matt Schweppe Taking A Stand
Steve Chandler

(I can’t help but think of all of the additional content Emerson, Thoreau, Hawthorne, and the Alcotts would have produced with computers.)

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Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to grow in their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there. If you are interested in learning more about What One Person Can Do or one on one coaching, you can contact Sarah here.

Struggle Less

Sarah Boucher

Struggle Less

Do you feel like all you have ever known is struggle? Even though you know you are blessed, at the end of the day, you still feel like you are struggling–struggling to live peacefully with your spouse, to be consistent with your parenting, to encourage your children to get along, to stay on top of everything at work, to keep the house and yard in shape, to pay the bills, to make ends meet, to ever get ahead?

What if you woke up one morning and life no longer felt like such a challenge? What if all of the circumstances above remained the same but when combined, they no longer had the power to unravel you?

A couple of years ago, I had the honor to go through a 12 week program called What One Person Can Do. Grounded in loving kindness and personal responsibility this program allowed me to discover my value, the power that exists in each of us, and the ability I have to produce a joyful life of contribution and create an atmosphere where others are able to experience that same ability in their own lives. This program has been conducted with individuals and organizations ranging from school systems, Job Corps programs, the Maine State Prison System, YMCAs and corporations for 30 years by Bill Cumming and individuals who he has trained to do this work, known as conveners. I learned a great deal from that conversation, ended up going through the training to become a convener, and am pleased to share one of those life changing lessons with you.

One year ago, my father passed away from complications of Multiple Sclerosis. One month later, my husband and I separated.

Separated

I was blindsided. Although he continued to support us financially, for eight months I was a single mother to our five children. Because of the foundation that was laid through the What One Person Can Do conversation, I was able to walk through these painful circumstances with more equanimity than I would have otherwise been able to do. I still went through shock. I still cried on and off for a couple of months. I still made mistakes trying to readjust my life plan, but I survived. I took my life one day at a time. I did not get out in my future and let fear of the unknown take over.

Those of us raised in America, with televisions in our homes, have been taught that it is an outside in world. We have been taught that the right combination of the right possessions, the right job, and the right partner will make us happy. The truth is that happiness is ALWAYS an inside job. It is not our circumstances that make us happy or unhappy, but our thinking about our circumstances. Author Michael Neill says, “We think we are experiencing reality but what we are really experiencing is our thinking.”

So how do we get our thinking about our less than perfect circumstances to improve?
The answer is to develop a daily Self Care routine that includes visiting these four thoughts for a few minutes before you start each day.

1. Life is a gift. The only moment we have any guarantee of is this one.

2. We are ALL interconnected.

3. The ONLY thing I can control today is the way I CHOOSE to BE in the world.

4. Do the best you can and be gracious to yourself.

Self Care is a personal practice and you have to figure out what works for you, but the core ingredients are these four thoughts. Spend a few minutes thinking, meditating, or praying about them and then follow that time up by reading a couple of pages from one of these books that point back to the Self Care thoughts.

Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

Living Buddha, Living Christ 10th Anniversary Edition

A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

My Grandfather’s Blessings: Stories of Strength, Refuge, and Belonging

By making Self Care part of my daily routine, these simple but powerful thoughts changed the way I experienced my life. My life consisted of the same circumstances but my thinking about those events changed.

Thinking about the gift of each day, the brevity of life, helped me become more present in my life. One of my favorite quotes is by Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project. “The days are long but the years are short.” This life is speeding by and I want to be aware of and cherish each day and person I come in contact with.

Every person on this Earth is interconnected. Our actions each day have a ripple effect. One of the first life changing lessons I learned from Bill is that we don’t have to go out and look to make a difference in the world. We already are making a difference. Is it a positive one or a negative one?

I do not have the ability to control anyone (spouse or children included) or anything (broken appliances, vehicles, or the weather) but myself. Once I stopped trying, I experienced less stress, less worry, and more peace.

Learning to be gracious with myself, recognizing that I am doing the best I can each day, accepting those efforts, letting go of the mistakes or shortcomings, and trying again tomorrow has been great for me in conquering feelings of low self esteem and inferiority to others who appear to have the game of life down perfectly.

Yesterday a friend said, “Who wouldn’t want a family, a school, or a business with people in it who have mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation?” Those qualities happen to be the definition of equanimity.

You will still experience off days. They happen. By developing your own Self Care routine, most days you can be that person pointing the way to less stress and less struggle for those in your circle of influence.

Sarah Boucher blog picture

Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to find their power daily at
I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there. If you are interested in learning more about What One Person Can Do or one on one coaching, you can contact Sarah here.

Unleash Your Power With Self Care

Self Care helps me get centered–grounded in my well being.  When I approach my day this way, I have a better experience of life.  Circumstances that would normally send me over the edge are easily handled and life moves on.  I have experienced a major shift in my life because of practicing self care.

We are taught that the world is an outside in deal–that things outside of us make us happy.  When I get this thing I’ve always wanted, then I will be happy.  The truth is that happiness is ALWAYS an inside out job.  This is why self care is crucial.  Michael Neill says, “We think we are experiencing reality but what we are really experiencing is our thinking.”  Making Self Care a habit has definitely helped me with my thinking.

Image

Self Care is a very personal practice.  You have to find the right combination for you, but I will offer you the same starting place that was given to me.

These four Self Care thoughts come from Bill Cumming.  His organization is called The Boothby Institute. Bill recommends spending time each morning thinking about these four main points and then reading a couple of pages from authors like Marianne Williamson, Don Miguel Ruiz, and Greg Baer, whose books reinforce the main ideas of Self Care.

Self Care Thoughts

  1. We live in a miracle.
  2. We are ALL interconnected.
  3. The ONLY thing I can control today is the way I CHOOSE to BE in the world.
  4. Be gracious with yourself.

When I first started self care, I thought about these four thoughts and then tacked on The Four Agreements too.

  1. Be impeccable with your word.  (Don’t use your words to hurt yourself or others.
  2. Don’t take anything personally.  (Nothing others do or say is because of you.  It’s their own drama.)
  3. Don’t make assumptions.  (Don’t assume you know what others are thinking or that they know what you are thinking.)
  4. Always do your best.  (Your best changes from day to day.)

Doing self care that way worked for me, but now I do it differently.  I pray about the Self Care thoughts and then pray about whatever else I want to pray about.  It just seems natural to me in thinking about the miracle of life, to thank God for it right then and there.  That may or may not work for you.  There are no rules.  I only know that taking time to dwell on those four points does make an incredible difference in the way I experience a day.

If you find yourself in the middle of the day ungrounded–do self care.  It makes sense that if it works in the beginning of the day that it would work in the middle too.

I want all of us to go through our days with MORE JOY, MORE PEACE, and MORE POWER and Self Care is a very effective way to do so. I created a one page Self Care Guide that you can print off. I use it from time to time to help my wandering mind stay focused. I even skip around from one section of the page to another as my thoughts roam, filling out whatever part of the page the thought fits into.

In addition to the Daily Self Care Guide, here’s a link to an AMAZING video that leaves me feeling like I’ve just done Self Care every time I watch it.

I hope you enjoy these resources and please feel free to share them with others!

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Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to grow in their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there.  If you have questions regarding the 12 week program What One Person Can Do or the online version What Every Person Can Do, you can get in touch with Sarah here.