Tag: Self Care (Page 2 of 3)

How To Have A Great Day

September 27, 2015 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

Friday was a GREAT day! I got the kids on the bus, made a quick call to Bill to catch up with him after his recent workshops in England. I got off the phone and decided to take a little bit of quiet time and plan my day and maybe even write a little before tackling the house. It was a wreck. I’ve been working 3 twelve hour days a week for a little over a month. On my days off, instead of staying home and cleaning, I’ve been off with Jason in search of fun inventory for The Awesome Possum or house hunting.

I sat down with a cup of coffee and started writing. I don’t do it enough and I REALLY enjoy it. There are ALWAYS other tasks that need to be done and I’ve felt so stifled creatively, but the words flowed that morning. As I was wrapping up my post (you can read it here) I got a text.

My friend Beth wanted to drive 40 minutes to see me. Panic set in. I wanted to spend time with her. We haven’t seen each other in 6 months but she couldn’t possibly come over. Beth is so organized and put together. She’s one of my oldest friends and has seen my messy house many times but this time was different. She’s got 8 month old Finlee now and I couldn’t imagine that sweet baby on my dirty floor. My vehicle decided to give me grief a week ago and we’re down to 1 car for the time being, so I couldn’t meet her anywhere. I told her she couldn’t come over but we could go out to eat.

You’d have thought I was going on a date the way I prepared for lunch. Like I said, Beth is ALWAYS put together (for example she and 8 month old Finlee were both wearing WHITE! AND STAYED CLEAN!!!) but she also works for a dentist. I took extra care brushing with toothpaste and hydrogen peroxide for EXTRA bright teeth. I don’t get out enough 🙂

We had a nice lunch and then went to a few little shops around my tiny town in search of birthday presents for a couple of friends, to no avail.

When she dropped me back off, I went inside and started cleaning. I worked for a few hours. The kids got home from school in the middle of the cleaning stint. I could’ve cleaned for days, but settled for the downstairs being good enough. We ordered pizza and watched Hocus Pocus. CLASSIC! The girls loved it.

I fell asleep during the second movie but when we moved upstairs to bed, I got a second wind and stayed awake until around 2:00 watching Friends on Netflix. I’m so not okay with the fact that all of those actors and actresses are now in their 50’s and I’m quickly approaching 40.

There was nothing extraordinary about the day but it felt special. It felt complete. I love days that feel complete. They occur more often when I take time to think about my day, when I take time to do Self Care. When I don’t take time to “set my intentions” for the day or to recognize that life is going by quickly (Jennifer Aniston is 50 for crying out loud!) then I’m just reacting to what life hands me instead of creating a day that feels complete.

Yesterday wasn’t a great day for me. I didn’t take time to get grounded in my well being. I didn’t take time to pray/do Self Care. I woke up and fell into the day. I chose to dwell on some pretty unpleasant thoughts ALL DARN DAY. I KEPT on choosing them over and over. I kept choosing to look at a picture that triggered the thoughts. It was a choice. I created my unpleasant day. It was rough. There was a happy period in the day when my kids asked me to play games with them. As you’ll recall, the upstairs of the house hadn’t been cleaned yet. I told my son I had work to do and he insisted I take time to play. I’m so glad I did.

Anyway, this morning I woke up a little down and these thoughts helped me get back on track this morning and I hope they’ll be of use to you too.

Don’t get going on your day just yet. What do you want from today? How are you going to live today fully? What do you want to do with your time? Who would you like to spend time with? How do you want to feel at the end of the day? Think about it.

Now…you’re ready. Make it a great day.

For more on Self Care click here and here.

If you’re struggling or dealing with a loved one in pain, check out What Every Person Can Do. It’s incredibly affordable. 12 weeks of support for what 1 hour of counseling would cost! But…and I know this firsthand, even reasonably priced is not an option sometimes, so don’t write this off. Partial and full scholarships are available for those that need them and are serious about going through the work. If you have questions for me, you can get in touch with me here.

Always Do Your Best-This Marriage Stuff Part 2

December 8, 2014 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

Last week I wrote about my marriage (click here to read that) and asked for pointers on getting more connected to the man I share my life with and have been friends with for over half my life. I really appreciate all of you who shared your thoughts. I’m condensing them here and hitting the highlights.

Jacqui-

“I advise you treat your marriage sacred like God intended and be grateful for what you have versus what you don’t, and definitely keep your marriage issues private between you, God and your husband…Good luck, you two will be in my prayers!”

Glenda-

My vote is that you go back to that therapist and start where you are at this moment. If an intersection is blocked, walking around drinking coffee and holding hands will not clear the path–although, walking and holding hands are excellent ways to approach the de-construction.

Cari-

Remember that marriage is a call to teach God’s love to the foreign culture we call our husband. Sometimes i have to step back and try to figure out how to relate to him. Sometimes I have to step back and give him room. What helps most of all is to remember the good times and try to get him to do the same. “Remember when we met?” is a good starter.

Bridget-

…we actually just started communicating better when I got ill. We threw everything right out on the table for one another, no matter how bad or heartbreaking it was. That night showed us how much we actually love and care about each other.

Nancy

It’s little things that matter. Take some time each day to show him you appreciate him. Maybe set up a regular date so you guys can connect. Sharing a cup of coffee in the morning or allowing a half hour of uninterrupted time for each other in the evening.

Janice-

You remember what drew you to him in the first place. Oh, and going to the beach is nice, if not, go for a long walk…..without kids.

Kerri-

Kiss. 15 seconds, no less every day. Even if you don’t want to. Carve out fifteen minutes of alone time together. Even if it is a walk or a coffee. I constantly feel disconnected with so many kids and a full time job, and my husbands PTSD. It is a struggle….but!!! When something is as important as marriage you do everything to keep it from being tarnished—you polish it every day.

Here’s what happened after that post. I started thinking there were steps I could follow to fix our marriage. I also started searching for that feeling of re-connection and happiness from him which led to some creepy neediness from me. It felt horrible. I don’t want to do THAT to me or him again. I’m sure I’ll slip up and end up there from time to time, but I sure as heck hope I catch it sooner than I did this past week. He lovingly saw me through it but we’re both exhausted and it didn’t make us feel any more connected.

Anyway, here’s what I ultimately learned and know to be true from my little visit to CRAZY TOWN.

No amount of kind words or thoughtful actions on either of our parts will fix anything or make the other person feel complete or loved. Those activities are nice and should be done daily, but we both have to do the work of being completely happy and whole on our own to enjoy a happy healthy relationship, free of neediness, grudges, finger pointing, or guilt and shame.

The ONLY thing either one of us can do is DO OUR BEST each day to work on ourselves and be nice to our partner. We’ve agreed that this is the best course of action, doing our best, which made me think about The Four Agreements because the fourth agreement is Always Do Your Best.

Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I’ve decided to give away a copy of the book in January to a member of the POWERFUL Woman community (The P-dub Hub.) To become an official member of the community and be entered into each month’s give away automatically, just fill in the form below.

Goodnight and good luck from the Kentucky Lottery!

Wait! That’s the wrong sign off. Let me try again.

My name is Sarah Boucher and I approve this message.

Join below!!! I’m throwing in a little something besides the book as well. I just haven’t decided what yet 🙂

5 Posts YOU Loved

March 23, 2014 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

5 Posts YOU Loved

In a recent blog I talked about the writer’s BLOCK I’ve had for some time. Between that and facebook’s recent algorithm changes, I’ve mostly been sharing great posts from other pages. I enjoy sharing what encourages me. I don’t share random thoughts or posts from others. You’ll be able to tell what’s going on in my world by the posts I share. Occasionally I share posts that don’t apply to me. If I do, it’s because I think it might encourage a friend going through a difficult time, but mostly I see one and I’m like, “I really needed to see this today.”

I think it’s interesting to look at the ones that get the most response from you.

Here are the Top 5 Posts YOU Loved from this past week.
Click on each image to be connected to the corresponding facebook page.

#5 From Joy of Mom

I posted this one because I hear my gut more clearly than I used to. That doesn’t mean I always listen, but I know the minute I tell someone I’m going to do something whether it’s in line with my gut/soul’s vision.

#4 From Sara Brown – Use it 2 lose it

This one was shared because I think all of you are absolutely AMAZING women and I want to encourage you to see yourselves that way.

#3 From Womenworking.com

When I was at rock bottom 7 years ago, I asked my mom, who happens to be a therapist (her words come in handy in rock bottom moments like these) how I could get some confidence. I felt completely useless and worthless. She told me about Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements and then she said, “You are neither more nor less important than anyone else.” All of that NEW information was a turning point for me. It wasn’t an instant fix. I had to work on it, but over time I have come to see myself as worthy of love from myself and it’s made a HUGE difference. I want everyone struggling with low self esteem to experience that difference too.

#2 From Sue Fitzmaurice, Author

I’ve spent way too many days stuck in my head. It can be a very unpleasant place to be stuck when it’s filled with worry, fear, or self loathing. I just finished reading Finish Line Feeling by Liz Ferro. I love the way she describes what running does for her. “Running is a time during which your soul is both purged and rejuvenated. Running with a good friend is the best remedy for what ails you that a person could wish for, as your sweat washes away the sludge built up in your mind and your heart. It’s as if your problems somehow sweat themselves out of your pores, becoming dried-up salt that you can simply brush away.” I’m pretty sure that whatever means of exercise one uses, similar results are produced.I want to spend the least amount of time trudging around in my head as possible.

#1 From A Mighty Girl

This post got the most likes this week. My theory is that as moms, we all want to spare our daughters the grief and crap we’ve been through in learning to love ourselves. The quicker we can recognize our value and learn to love ourselves, the better off our daughters will be. They’ll know how special they are from the time they are little and be able to get to living life to the fullest at an earlier age. This is what I want for my girls and my boys.

I LOVE to hear your thoughts, so always feel free to make comments on posts no matter what page they’re from. Let me know how you are.

I hope you have an AMAZING week. Don’t forget about Self Care 🙂

Wake Up and Live

March 4, 2014 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

21 Day Self Care Challenge, Day 4
Wake Up and Live

Some days feel magical: birthdays, vacation days, Christmas. This day was one of those days for me. Self Care can definitely support you in turning ordinary days into days that feel magical.

Besides being grounded in my thinking, today was great because Jason, inspired by our first REAL snowfall this winter or knowing that our girls would pick at each other all day out of sheer boredom, kept the ball rolling with traditional snow day activities.

He made a big breakfast, but he didn’t just prepare food. He turned our kitchen into a diner and had the girls help. They went around taking individual orders, preparing drinks (the drink station was a MESS!), and serving the orders as they “came up”.

After breakfast, they made snow cream.

Then it was time to go outside and play in the snow.

I love that Nora kept her apron on. 🙂

I was the photographer all morning, documenting the special day. I had a choice. I could take the opportunity to write or I could go outside and enjoy this rare snow day with my husband and kids. I knew better than to pass this chance up. I quickly bundled up and joined the fun. We watch a lot of Man Versus Wild and Man Woman Wild on Netflix, so the girls were calling Jason “Bear” and handing him big pieces of ice from the trampoline for the walls of an igloo.

When we were thoroughly frozen, we came in to read by the fire, drink hot chocolate, and eat the earlier prepared snow cream.

When I finally did Self Care, I thought about how I want to ALIVE. I don’t feel like I’ve been living life fully for the last couple of years. I was already kind of isolated. Jason and I made the decision to stop going to church 7 years ago. The intention was to be with Christians regularly in our home, but things didn’t go according to plan, and I haven’t quite figured out what the next move is. When he and I separated for 9 months in August of 2012, I got REALLY REALLY isolated. I pushed away the support of friends for an unhealthy relationship. One thing I’ve learned for sure is that life is not meant to be a solo act and had I stayed connected to my support group, I wouldn’t have made some of the choices I made.

I’ve definitely become a homebody. Besides my new-ish life as a hermit, I haven’t been as present with my family as I’d like to be. More experiences out in the real world and lots of time with my family are at the top of my to do list and I’m actively looking for ways to make both of these things happen.

Self Care is a regular reminder of what matters most in my life.

After I did Self Care, our family had an impromptu photo shoot. Jason sells unique vintage items. He draped this old flag up on the piano so he could get a vision for what he’s going to do with it next. He sat down in front of it and it seemed like the perfect opportunity to take some silly pictures.

I’m extra pleased tonight because I chose to BE PRESENT with my family. I LIVED today to the fullest. Even though the day was filled with some extra fun, I know this feeling is possible on a normal day because I’ve experienced it many times before on Self Care days. I suspect that with regular Self Care, ALIVE is going to be the new norm. Off moments and days will still come, but not as often. If I’m wrong, I’ll let you know.

You may want to read Struggle Less if you’re curious about Self Care.

Join me! A FREE Self Care Guide for YOU!

March 2, 2014 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

21 Day Self Care Challenge, Day 3
I’m starting to see the beauty of this discipline thing. I’ve made a commitment to daily Self Care and the way in which I’m doing it, is exciting to me and killing all kinds of birds with one stone. I’ve never read the book The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, but I hear people talking about it and I know I’ve been experiencing MAJOR resistance.

Have you noticed that I haven’t been talking much on my facebook page? I haven’t said much in months. Even though I’d love to sit down and have a chat with you and I spend a great deal of time thinking about what I’d say, when I sit down to share it, I just haven’t been able to. There’s been a BLOCK. It’s been extremely frustrating.

I’m not going to share pre and post self care thoughts today. You get the point and I notice my thoughts tend to be mostly the same before and after the process. I do want to share a feeling I noticed last night.

I’ve slowed down a lot over the last couple of months. I haven’t been trying so hard to get into my future. I want to be present and presently I have growing kids that I want to spend quality time with every day. I have a house that needs daily attention. I don’t want to live in a spotless house, but I know I can do better than I’ve been doing. I’ve been spending less time on the computer and more time on the house. The problem is that in a family as large as mine, I could work on the house all day and by the end of the day, there’s just as much work to do as there was at the beginning of the day. I’ve been going to bed feeling rather discouraged because I feel like I’m working really hard but not getting anywhere. When these feelings start to come, I give myself the what for because I’m OBVIOUSLY not good at my job as a stay at home mom.

Last night was different. I got half of my dishes done and that was the ONLY house work I did yesterday. My house was an ABSOLUTE wreck but I felt VERY peaceful as I walked back to the bedroom. The mess had no effect on me. And right this minute, hours later as I get ready to tackle that same mess, I feel that same tranquility. It’s AWESOME and I’m giving credit to the Self Care process for this calm.

When I mentioned killing lots of birds with a single stone, I feel like there’s added peace that comes when I pray about the Self Care thoughts. This 21 day commitment is allowing me to do Self Care, pray, and write about the process consistently, three areas of my life I have longed to be more disciplined about. Multiple birds with a single Self Care stone. I LOVE IT!!!

I want all of us to go through our days with MORE JOY, MORE PEACE, and MORE POWER and Self Care is a very effective way to do so. I created a one page Self Care Guide that you can print off and do your own 21 Day Challenge. I used it today and it helped my wandering mind stay focused. I even skipped around from one section of the page to another as my thoughts roamed, filling out whatever part of the page the thought fit into.

In addition to the Daily Self Care Guide, here’s a link to an AMAZING video that leaves me feeling like I’ve just done Self Care every time I watch it.

I hope you enjoy these resources and please feel free to share them with others!

Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to grow in their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there. If you are interested in going through the 12 week conversation What One Person Can Do, you can get in touch with Sarah here.

21 Days of Self Care, Day 2

March 2, 2014 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

21 Days of Self Care, Day 2

If ever there was a day I needed to do Self Care, today was it. I stayed up until 2:00 a.m. watching episode after episode of Once Upon A Time on Netflix. My 7 year old suggested we have a marathon, but she conked out by 10:30.

My intention before I left reality and was transported to Storybrook, Maine was to get up early and do Self Care before the day got going. I set my alarm for 6:30 and was prepared to tackle the day on only four or five hours of sleep. I did not however, expect the 3 a.m. phone call to go pick up an unhappy 9 year old at a lock in.

Ugh…

ANY TIME IS A GOOD TIME FOR SELF CARE

While getting grounded in your well-being is a GREAT idea 1st thing in the morning, and it’s silly for me to put it off, the good news is that Self Care is available 24/7. I finally made some quiet time at 4:00.

Why wait until 4:00, Sarah? Well…
I sat down at the computer as I do many mornings and got completely sidetracked. This morning’s sidetracked adventure was in learning that March is Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day is coming up on March 8th!!!

I’ve only known International Women’s Day even existed for 2 years, even though it’s been observed for over 100 years. I find this bizarre. Why isn’t there more awareness about a day that honors women who paved the way for the rest of us? Why isn’t there more awareness about this day that gives us a chance to consider our sisters around the world who don’t have the same rights we have?

If you’ve never heard of International Women’s Day, here’s a short video from the National Women’s History Museum that explains how this day came to be.

But I digress…

My pre-self care thoughts today were pretty rough because I was extra tired. I was having some major mom guilt over the lock in drama. I didn’t realize the lock in and Maggie’s Academic Team Regionals were the same weekend until just a couple of days before they took place. After much debating and some tears, we decided to take a chance and do both. I knew what the possible outcome would be, but it was worse than I predicted.

Not only was the lock in a bust, but Maggie was WAY TOO TIRED to even make an appearance at Regionals and as a result, lost her spot on the Academic Team. This MOM Fail on top of forgetting to pick up my 13 year old from school yesterday, on top of lack of sleep myself was too much. Had I taken time to do Self Care before this morning’s events unfolded, I might not have descended into the depths of mom guilt I found myself in.

My Self Care time was no different than any other time I’ve taken time with these 4 POWERFUL thoughts. I locked myself away and emerged feeling refreshed and focused, ready to create a productive and happy night with my family. Self Care is good stuff. Tomorrow I’m going for the good stuff at the beginning of the day instead of the tail end of it.

21 Days of Self Care, Day 1 goes into more depth about what Self Care is, if this is the first you’re hearing of it. It’s been so beneficial in my life and I’m doing this 21 day challenge to make it a habit instead of a random dose of well-being here and there.

21 Days of Self Care, Day 1

February 28, 2014 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

21 Days of Self Care,Day 1

I have experienced the incredible difference that taking time to do Self Care makes in my day. I feel like the 4 Self Care thoughts have become part of my thinking. Because of the overall impact this way of thinking has had in my day to day life, it is easy to become complacent when I wake up feeling peaceful, to skip the routine altogether. “I’ll do it after I get the kids off to school,” I say to myself, but then I start my busy day and later never happens.

My kids and husband have also noticed the difference Self Care makes in my day. When I’m not being patient or very loving, they call me out on it. “Have you done Self Care?” EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM has asked me this at some point over the last couple of years.

I’ve written a couple of blog posts and lots of facebook posts about Self Care, but it has yet to become a discipline for me. So even though, I’m mostly relaxed, even in the midst of some pretty chaotic times, I still have lots of off moments and occasional days where I’m a bit of a mess. This has been especially embarrassing when my friend Bill Cumming, who introduced me to Self Care, asks me how often I’m doing it.

So…it’s time. It’s time to get disciplined and experience the full effect Self Care can have on a life so that I can not only live my life to the fullest, but share with you what’s possible as well. I don’t want any of us to suffer needlessly. My life before learning about Self Care was full of unnecessary drama and self inflicted suffering.

For the next 21 days, I am challenging myself to be fully committed to doing Self Care every morning. After reading this post, I hope you’ll take a few minutes to do your own reflection on the 4 Self Care thoughts and see what a difference it makes in your own equanimity. Merriam Webster says equanimity is evenness of mind especially under stress. Self Care WORKS!

Pre-Self Care Thoughts on Day 1
So…it’s 11:00 am. I’ve had 5 hours of thinking time already this morning. These are some of the thoughts I’ve been thinking lately, having not done Self Care consistently for the past few months.

*Most mornings are unpleasant because of my 7 year old’s behavior. I love her but I dread waking her up. This morning’s fit was 5 minutes of drama over shoes. I don’t want to dread waking up my children.

*I’m not focused on my goals. I have so many ideas but I’m not making time to work on them. I’m scattered.

* I’ve been REALLY hard on myself. My life, while I feel so blessed, is not what I’d like it to be. I’ve made so many mistakes. BIG MISTAKES. I’m having trouble forgiving myself for not making better choices. I feel ashamed.

*I feel torn. I have a picture in my head of what life can be like on a day to day basis. I’d made the decision to pursue that picture, but reality is saying, “Not yet Missy.” I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

*I feel worried about some unknowns, like my health. I haven’t been to a doctor in years and I’m feeling kind of MORTAL these days.

As you can see, my mind visits some dark places. This has been my line of thinking once or twice a day, without the discipline of daily Self Care. Because I’ve done it in the past, I might spend more time than I should stewing over these thoughts, but I don’t stay in a constant state of worry or panic like I did before I learned about this invaluable tool. Still, these thoughts are unpleasant and Self Care will snap me out of it, get me grounded in my well-being, and support me in having a wonderful experience of being alive.

The 4 Self Care Thoughts
You can spend a few minutes thinking about these or praying about them. If you decide Self Care is beneficial for you, you’ll develop your own way of doing it, but here are the 4 Core Thoughts.

1. We live in a miracle.
2. Everything is interconnected.
3. The ONLY thing I can control is how I choose to BE in the world today.
4. Be gracious to yourself.

Besides thinking about and/or praying about these thoughts, you’ll want to reinforce them by reading a couple of pages out of one of these books or a similar book.

Real Love by Greg Baer

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh

A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

My Grandfather’s Blessings by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.

Post Self Care Thoughts
Check out the difference!!!

We live in a miracle. Today I’m thankful to be alive, for my family, my health, and all my blessings.
We’re all interconnected. We all effect each other. There is lots of work to do, starting in my home, with my children. If I’ll look past myself and how others are inconveniencing me or not meeting my needs…if I’ll take time to do Self Care and get grounded, I’ll see what I can do daily to help decrease suffering in the world. I’ll see opportunity everywhere.

None of this is about me. I want to share what I’ve experienced with others. I want everyone to have access to more peace and more joy.

The ONLY thing I can control is how I choose to be in the world today. If I’m grounded, I’ll see what needs to be done to show my 7 year old that she’s loved without condition. I’ll have the patience to go into her drama filled world and love her through her meltdowns. Instead of looking at her as an energy taker, I can fill my moments with her with positivity and help her see what choices are available in helping her create a happier experience.

About my health concerns and mortality. What can I do about my concerns today? Do I need to call and make an appointment of some sort? I feel GREAT today. I need to make the most of this day. It’s the ONLY moment I have any guarantee of. How am I going to use my time?

How do I choose to be in the world today?

I choose to be loving, joyful, and peaceful. I choose to not attempt to control the people with whom I live. My husband and I have changed a lot over the years. We’re not on the same page about a lot of things. I love him anyway. All I can control is how I choose to be today. My children are not little Sarahs. I choose to do the best I can to set a good example for them, to offer them loving guidance and hope they make good choices. It only causes me lots of frustration to try to micro manage everybody’s words and actions.

So my life isn’t going according to plan. All I can do is the best I can do moving forward. I’ve made mistakes. I can beat myself up and stay down or I can offer myself the same graciousness and love I would a friend and even a stranger. I choose to believe that everything is going to work out the way it’s supposed to, whether it ever looks like that from my point of view or not. I’m human and I can’t see the bigger picture.

Today I choose to be hopeful,
to do my best,
to love unconditionally,
to be calm,
to be a hard worker,
to take time to pursue my goals,
and to share what I’ve experienced.

WOW! I feel better!

I promise that future posts, concerning this personal Self Care Challenge over the next 20 days, will not be this lengthy. I just wanted to give you an example of my thinking before and after. This shift is possible for all of us, any time of the day, with these 4 simple but POWERFUL thoughts.

What did you think about this post? Can you see yourself using these 4 core thoughts to develop your own Self Care routine? Don’t be shy. Share your comments below. Speaking of sharing, I’d love it if you would share this post if you think the content would be useful to someone you care about.

Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to grow in their power daily over facebook at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there. If you are interested in going through the 12 week conversation What One Person Can Do, you can get in touch with Sarah here.

Are You Afraid?

October 9, 2013 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

Are You Afraid?

“Some mornings you just need to punch fear in the face & tell it to shut up! Go past the emotions & don’t look back! Then, make it habit!”
~Sandi Krakowski

I didn’t eat much for a couple of years, as a child, because I was terrified of being poisoned. My mom had to take the first bite of any food I was afraid to eat to get me to eat it. She ended up taking me to a psychologist because I started looking malnourished.

My dad was diagnosed with MS when I was four and all of the unknown about what was going on around me, manifested itself in me being afraid of EVERYTHING. The psychologist encouraged my dad to spend one on one time with me. I eventually started eating properly again.

My irrational fears, while not as intense as they were during that period of my life, followed me into adulthood. The fear went from being afraid of being poisoned, to being afraid of a house fire (I was so scared any time Smokey the Bear came to school to talk about fire prevention), to being afraid my mom wouldn’t come home after work. As I got older I feared being raped. As a young adult, I had anxiety about severe weather. After that fear subsided, I felt like life was going too good and every time the phone rang, I was afraid it was going to be bad news, because how long could this happy time possibly last?

Do you know how many times the things I have obsessively worried about have actually happened? Like once! and I survived.

What changed?

When I was 21, I had a few small panic attacks following a big hail storm. I got to a place where I wasn’t functioning properly on days there was a threat of severe weather. I’d pass up opportunities to get out with my 3 year old and socialize. Instead I would just stay home and hide from the clouds. I went to talk to a counselor about my fear. She reassured me that I wasn’t the only one in town traumatized by that storm.

At some point I noticed that our local weathermen like to create a lot of drama about potential severe weather, because they don’t see a lot of action here. Because of our karst topography, we don’t get the severe weather that other parts of the state and country get. I came to the realization that I can’t do anything about severe weather one way or the other. I HATED the way it felt to be afraid, so I quit watching the weather. I also felt like being terrified didn’t show much trust in God and why would anyone want to become a Christian if Christians were so afraid? There was also a coming to terms with the fact that I am going to die one day and if that’s how it’s going to happen, then that’s how it’s going to happen, (but more than likely it wouldn’t happen in my hometown so I could quit worrying about it so much.)

The second big shift came about 3 years ago. I was listening to Steve Chandler talk about how much energy people spend worrying about things that DO NOT ever happen. That audio gave me permission to quit being so fearful. It was exactly what I needed to hear. He went on to say that we can use that same amount of energy to create solutions and take action to improve situations that we can actually do something about. If there is nothing that can be done, we can focus our energy in a different direction besides worry. Do what you can and then MOVE ON.

The ONLY thing I can control is how I CHOOSE to BE in the world today. I have absolutely ZERO control over anything or anyone but myself.

If someone who spent as many years being afraid as I did can overcome fear then I KNOW you can too!

A Self Care routine is helpful in overcoming fearful thoughts as well. It’s a daily reminder that this day is a gift and you get to choose whether to live it in fear or bravely facing your fear. Read more about Self Care here.

Thanks so much for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. Come over to facebook and let me hear em!

Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to find their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there. If you are interested in learning more about What One Person Can Do or one on one coaching, you can contact Sarah here.

Struggle Less

August 28, 2013 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

Struggle Less

Do you feel like all you have ever known is struggle? Even though you know you are blessed, at the end of the day, you still feel like you are struggling–struggling to live peacefully with your spouse, to be consistent with your parenting, to encourage your children to get along, to stay on top of everything at work, to keep the house and yard in shape, to pay the bills, to make ends meet, to ever get ahead?

What if you woke up one morning and life no longer felt like such a challenge? What if all of the circumstances above remained the same but when combined, they no longer had the power to unravel you?

A couple of years ago, I had the honor to go through a 12 week program called What One Person Can Do. Grounded in loving kindness and personal responsibility this program allowed me to discover my value, the power that exists in each of us, and the ability I have to produce a joyful life of contribution and create an atmosphere where others are able to experience that same ability in their own lives. This program has been conducted with individuals and organizations ranging from school systems, Job Corps programs, the Maine State Prison System, YMCAs and corporations for 30 years by Bill Cumming and individuals who he has trained to do this work, known as conveners. I learned a great deal from that conversation, ended up going through the training to become a convener, and am pleased to share one of those life changing lessons with you.

One year ago, my father passed away from complications of Multiple Sclerosis. One month later, my husband and I separated.

I was blindsided. Although he continued to support us financially, for eight months I was a single mother to our five children. Because of the foundation that was laid through the What One Person Can Do conversation, I was able to walk through these painful circumstances with more equanimity than I would have otherwise been able to do. I still went through shock. I still cried on and off for a couple of months. I still made mistakes trying to readjust my life plan, but I survived. I took my life one day at a time. I did not get out in my future and let fear of the unknown take over.

Those of us raised in America, with televisions in our homes, have been taught that it is an outside in world. We have been taught that the right combination of the right possessions, the right job, and the right partner will make us happy. The truth is that happiness is ALWAYS an inside job. It is not our circumstances that make us happy or unhappy, but our thinking about our circumstances. Author Michael Neill says, “We think we are experiencing reality but what we are really experiencing is our thinking.”

So how do we get our thinking about our less than perfect circumstances to improve?
The answer is to develop a daily Self Care routine that includes visiting these four thoughts for a few minutes before you start each day.

1. Life is a gift. The only moment we have any guarantee of is this one.

2. We are ALL interconnected.

3. The ONLY thing I can control today is the way I CHOOSE to BE in the world.

4. Do the best you can and be gracious to yourself.

Self Care is a personal practice and you have to figure out what works for you, but the core ingredients are these four thoughts. Spend a few minutes thinking, meditating, or praying about them and then follow that time up by reading a couple of pages from one of these books that point back to the Self Care thoughts.

Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

Living Buddha, Living Christ 10th Anniversary Edition

A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

My Grandfather’s Blessings: Stories of Strength, Refuge, and Belonging

By making Self Care part of my daily routine, these simple but powerful thoughts changed the way I experienced my life. My life consisted of the same circumstances but my thinking about those events changed.

Thinking about the gift of each day, the brevity of life, helped me become more present in my life. One of my favorite quotes is by Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project. “The days are long but the years are short.” This life is speeding by and I want to be aware of and cherish each day and person I come in contact with.

Every person on this Earth is interconnected. Our actions each day have a ripple effect. One of the first life changing lessons I learned from Bill is that we don’t have to go out and look to make a difference in the world. We already are making a difference. Is it a positive one or a negative one?

I do not have the ability to control anyone (spouse or children included) or anything (broken appliances, vehicles, or the weather) but myself. Once I stopped trying, I experienced less stress, less worry, and more peace.

Learning to be gracious with myself, recognizing that I am doing the best I can each day, accepting those efforts, letting go of the mistakes or shortcomings, and trying again tomorrow has been great for me in conquering feelings of low self esteem and inferiority to others who appear to have the game of life down perfectly.

Yesterday a friend said, “Who wouldn’t want a family, a school, or a business with people in it who have mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation?” Those qualities happen to be the definition of equanimity.

You will still experience off days. They happen. By developing your own Self Care routine, most days you can be that person pointing the way to less stress and less struggle for those in your circle of influence.

Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to find their power daily at
I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there. If you are interested in learning more about What One Person Can Do or one on one coaching, you can contact Sarah here.

Enjoy the Laugh

August 13, 2013 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

Enjoy the Laugh

Sometimes you just need to laugh. When life feels too serious or grim even, laughter can be much needed relief from all of those negative emotions you’ve been experiencing.

With the internet, a good laugh is just a click away. There are facebook pages dedicated to jokes. I stumble upon a post that makes me laugh and I get completely obsessed and sidetracked looking for similar available laughs.

One day I stumbled across funny church signs. A good hour was spent joking and laughing with my sons. Just Google funny church signs and you too can while away an hour.

More recently, I got sidetracked looking at pictures of people planking.

This baby planking cracks me up. More planking laughs available at the URL on the photo.

If you are surrounded by negative people, if circumstances beyond your control (which all circumstances are) have you worried, if the laughter is not coming to you, seek it out. There is NO shortage of laughter in this world. Sit down and have a conversation with a 3 year old. They’ll have you in stitches.

Laughing is so good for us. I’m sure there is all kinds of scientific data to back this up, but since I’m a quote lover, we’ll go with those instead.

Here are 3 AWESOME quotes that illustrate my point beautifully.

“Sometimes crying or laughing are the only options left, and laughing feels better right now.”
― Veronica Roth

“If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.”
― Robert Frost

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.”
― Audrey Hepburn

Christina Bianco is just such a person for me. She delivers joy and lots of laughs in this hilarious rendition of the song Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Enjoy the laugh!

I really love her Kristin Chenoweth impression. Who do you think Christina best captures? Comment below or tell me over on fb.

Feel free to share this post with someone you know who can use a laugh today!

Laughter is a great form of Self Care, but be sure not to neglect the other.

Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to find their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there.