Tag: single moms

One Way to Deal With Loneliness

December 27, 2019 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

“Loneliness is Such a Sad Affair”

I wake up and usually a negative thought or two come in uninvited. I get a cup of coffee, sit down with a pen and paper, focus on thoughts that put the negative ones in perspective, and carry on like a champ.

Tonight though, I’m feeling a wee bit discouraged. The remedy? More cowbell.

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“Survey says…”

More Cowbell probably won’t help here, but it could be a fun distraction. Self Care is what actually came to mind because it can be lathered, rinsed, and repeated as often as needed, but it’s practically bedtime and I’m stubborn. To think of tonight as a gift…when it’s almost over and I feel gloomy–insert eye roll.

I’ve tried to pin down the thoughts causing the gloom. I’ve narrowed the culprits down to fear and loneliness. Ah, loneliness, my old friend. Welcome back, ya filthy animal.

*Since I refuse to look at tonight as a gift (which it is, it’s just almost over)

*or to think about how we’re all connected (which we certainly are)

*or to think about how the only thing I have any control over tonight, is HOW I CHOOSE to be (again–day’s almost over–what’s the point of making a choice to be anything and then going to bed?)

*and I prefer to wallow, instead of being good to myself, what is that I DO want?

Well, I don’t want to wallow.

Crap! I accidentally wrote my way out of my loneliness funk.

What Else Can Be Done About Loneliness?

Before I unknowingly fixed my thinking (it’s that easy!) I tried to figure out what it was that I was looking for outside of myself.

Who am I lonely for or am I just lonely?

Who did I want to magically appear to fix things, to comfort me? What would I want them to say that would ease the internal struggle? Could they say anything that would help or even if they say the right words, would I let them in?

Would praying have helped? I’m sure it would.

“Are you there God? It’s me Fiona. It’s me Fiooonaaaaa…“

This song gets sung around here quite often and popped into my head with the thought of praying.

I probably could’ve used a hug, but I couldn’t think of any one thing that someone else could have said. I’ve had plenty of comforting words said in the past and often they went in one ear and out the other. I found myself a day or two later in need of more comforting words. After years of looking for that comfort from outside sources, I know this is work I must do on my own. It’s no one’s job but mine.

I forget that these “unpleasant” thoughts show up to guide us. They’re here so we can explore them and see what needs to be dealt with. We can feel them, process them, and then carry on.

I’ve been lonely before and it used to be more intense than it was tonight–yay progress! Self Care has been my biggest help in dealing with that longing for a companion, because I’m only dealing with one day at a time, not the past, not the future.

In the present, after I’ve done self care, I’m too busy living my life, taking care of my responsibilities, and working on happy projects to spend much time wallowing over the fact that there’s not a line of Prince Charmings or Young George Clooneys outside my door waiting to take me to the ball or the medical supply closet, if you get my drift.

Even though I was initially bummed that when I sit down to watch an episode of Gilmore Girls later, I won’t be cuddling up next to Charming or Young Clooney or heck–Mature Clooney for that matter, I allowed the loneliness to come. I felt it. I processed it and now I’m back to being okay with where I’m at in my life (Clooney FREE) at 11:00 PM. I’m ready to relax, enjoy 40 minutes in Stars Hollow, and head to bed feeling complete on my own (the way we all need to feel, whether we’re in a relationship or not.)

The other “bad” thought pestering me was fear of the future–uhm…hello, Sarah. It’s the FUTURE. I can’t do any work in the future tonight. What I can do is take a deep breath, recognize that I’m okay in this moment. There’s no crisis at 11:00 PM for me. There’s PLENTY to get stirred up about if I CHOOSE to, but I don’t choose that.

I have the opportunity to get completely present, finish this blog post, relax, and get a good night’s sleep.

Thanks for being part of this Powerful Woman community. If you have any questions about Self Care, my routine, or how it’s assisted me in experiencing a happier now, leave a comment or message me through Facebook. I’ll be happy to share what’s worked for me.

Make yourself a great weekend.

Much love,

Sarah B

To Be Seen

June 14, 2019 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

The other night, I was feeling so flat. My girls left earlier that morning for their weekly 3 night stretch with their dad. I’m always low that first day they’re away. I haven’t figured out how to be a part time mom yet or much of anything about single life. This crap is challenging.

I called my mom and asked her to accompany me to a laundromat while I washed my comforter. We talked while I watched the suds and flower comforter swirl around in the oversized machine.

“I think I missed my calling as a laundromat attendant.”

My mom laughed.

She’s a retired therapist. We talked about her new apartment, my kids, our spiritual journey, laundry…

On our way to get ice cream afterward, I told her that I felt like I was being a big baby because I can’t seem to move beyond all of these feelings of loss and grief and I know there are people with major problems and mine pale in comparison.

She posed this question. “Imagine you lost your leg. Would that hurt?”

I’m sure I said something like, “Yeah. Of course.”

“And then you met someone who lost both of their legs. Would that make the loss of your own leg any less painful?”

She then listed some of the painful events I’ve experienced in my life, from my Dad’s illness over the course of my childhood and his passing, all the way up to my marital problems and the end of that relationship. She listed the concerns that weigh on me daily and the struggles I’m currently facing and then commended me on being a survivor.

While this didn’t make my concerns vanish, I walked away from the visit feeling loved and seen.

To Be Seen

To be seen is huge. There are a few conversations that stand out in my memory where someone told me that they saw me and it really had an impact on me.

The phrase To Be Seen keeps running through my mind, but really To Be Acknowledged is probably an easier way to express what I’m trying to say.

I feel like, especially in a marriage, one of the biggest desires either spouse has is to have their efforts acknowledged and to feel appreciated. Everyone is doing their part to take care of the relationship, household, and family, but those efforts most often go unseen, unappreciated.

Even outside of a marriage, what about in the workplace? Doesn’t everyone want to be seen and appreciated for their contribution? Don’t employees want their bosses to value the work they do and all the money they make for the company?

What about in any relationship ever? Parents and children, friends, you name it. We all just want to be valued.

So let’s do that for each other. Let’s SEE the woman behind the cash register, the man at the drive thru window, our co workers, our significant others, our children…our parents.

Just a thought. Take it or leave it. I hope you take it and I also hope that you can feel that even though I can’t physically see you, I SEE YOU. I know that you’re out there today, doing what you do, with your whole heart for the people you love. I SEE YOU.

Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to grow in their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there.

Dear Powerful Woman

June 17, 2018 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

Dear POWERFUL Woman,

You AMAZE me in ALL THE WAYS!

I see such strength in you. You’re a freakin role model for single women and single moms everywhere…even the not single women. You’re a role model for all of us.

As a young mom, you worked your butt off to provide for your girls. Now you’re raising your grandchildren.

You own your own home, which you’ve remodeled and worked on yourself…I can’t believe you tore a wall down and redid your floors!

I have no idea how you manage to work 12 hour shifts, keep your home clean and organized…and your pool water clear! And all of this…all of this you do on a budget. You’ve worked hard to be on top of your finances and that’s impressive too.

It’s one thing to be able to accomplish all of that, but I see more. I see you actively trying to meet the emotional needs of your grand kids. Working on behavior…doing EVERYTHING in your power to have a good relationship with them and have them grow up to be well adjusted men.

I don’t see you looking to men to fix problems in your life. I don’t see different men walking in and out of your door to fill the loneliness–the stupid loneliness that causes sane women do make insane choices. I know you’re tired and you’d like a partner, but you’re not settling for anything less than what you deserve.

And one of the things I like best is that you model Self Care. You make time to relax every night by soaking your tired body in the tub. You bought the camper so that you could get out and enjoy your family. You didn’t wait until some day when everything sorts itself out. Some day when the drama dies down. You did it now and it’s been fun watching you get out and enjoy yourself.

I don’t know how you do ALL of this and make time to be one of the best friends I’ve ever had…and most of the time, you do it with a smile on your face and laughing.

I remember my brother in law telling me that he saw me. He saw me working hard and trying. That meant the world to me…to be seen by someone.

Thanks for being such a great example. I hope to follow in your steps…to be strong for myself and for my kids, to do the right thing, instead of what feels good momentarily. YOU ROCK, POWERFUL WOMAN. I see you.

I’ve been thinking about writing letters to the women who inspire me for a couple of weeks now, so thanks for taking time to read this first one. If you want to honor a POWERFUL Woman in your life, feel free to leave a shout out in the comments here or over on Facebook. I’d be happy to share them with the Powerful Woman community.

You Are Not Stuck

May 12, 2013 / Sarah Boucher / 0 Comments

You Are Not Stuck
I hope you are having a very happy experience of life, but some of you are in a different place than that. Your thoughts are filled with pain, worry, and maybe even hopelessness. You are not stuck.

I was greeted this morning with the terrible news of a suicide. A sweet, red headed woman who always had a big smile on her face. I barely knew her but the news hit me like a ton of bricks.

POWERFUL woman–listen to me. There are ALWAYS choices available to you in ANY situation. YOU ARE NOT STUCK! YOU ARE NOT TRAPPED! HELP IS AVAILABLE ALL AROUND YOU. Reach out and take the hand of a stranger even. MAKE THE CALL. People all around the world care about YOU and we are cheering you on.

There are so many stories of success–of women who took that first step to make the change for herself and her children.

Depression
If you suffer from depression, please call your doctor, get free counseling, and even learn techniques to change your thinking. If your depression is not severe, look for something you can do for someone else or look for the next thing that needs to be done. Get up and get to work. Find the next thing that needs to be done and do it. Don’t sit and think for hours (I’m a thinker, so I know how easy it is to get stuck in this place. I struggled with depression for about a year, maybe longer than that after my fourth child was born. I didn’t want to accept the fact that I was depressed. Learning that I had more control over which thoughts I put energy into, proactively filling myself up with grounded, positive thoughts and a daily Self Care routine made a world of difference in the way I experience my life whether the circumstances around me are “good” or “bad”.)

Single Moms
You are definitely not alone. There are many resources available to single moms–grants, state programs, single parent groups in your community and in churches. I did a search for single moms on Pinterest and found all kinds of encouragement there. Check out this article as a jumping off place if you are feeling overwhelmed or need extra encouragement. 10 Single Mom Secrets.

Addiction
If you struggle with addiction, check out Sisters of Serenity and Sobriety for daily encouragement and start your journey to recovery. Katie has quite a survival story.

Physical or Emotional Abuse
If YOU are being abused or your children are being abused, call the police, get into a shelter, and start rebuilding your life.

Human Trafficking Victim or Prostitution
If you are in either of these situations, you are not alone and help is available to you.
How to Know if You Are a Victim And for those of us who want to fight for our sisters, here’s 20 Ways You Can Help Human Trafficking.

Hookers for Jesus Their desire and goal includes providing transitional support and assistance to the youth and women seeking to leave the sex industry.

Loss of Loved Ones
If you are dealing with the loss of someone close to you, first of all, I am very sorry for your loss and secondly, I hope this site helps you make sense of your grief. MedicineNet.com

Take Action
If the action is calling National Suicide Prevention Hotline, then make the call now. Be your own hero by taking that first step today to rescue yourself. GET HELP! I believe in YOU! YOU are a POWERFUL woman. YOU are not STUCK!

Please comment below if you have encouragement or a resource to pass along to anyone who might feel alone in any of these areas.

All my love and POWERFUL thoughts being sent your way!
Sarah

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