An excerpt from my journal two years ago. This was the turning point in my life–when I finally decided it was okay to be me and that it was time to take action.
February 8, 2010
I have too many thoughts racing through this mind of mine.
Is it wrong to pursue your dreams or are we supposed to live quiet lives doing the work of Jesus?
I know that success is measured differently. A lot of people measure success by “stuff:” How big your stuff is, the amount of stuff you have, being well known, and what mark you’ve made. Others measure success by the goodness of a person: she was such a servant, she was such a hard worker, she shared with others, she was a good…
My goal has never been to be the most well known this or that person but we all have dreams of greatness. I read today on Steve Chandler’s website that some people choose to play it safe and never “do” anything so they will never fail. His view and that of James Barrie is that the most successful people are failures.
My struggle has for years been is it wrong to strive for something that doesn’t seem to have a holier purpose or is it a waste of time? Is Blue Cotton a “waste” of time? What is holy about the business of t-shirt printing? God has used that business to bless many families. Does everything under the sun have to have a divine “purpose?” Are we all selling ourselves short? I am more and more under the opinion that God made every person creative. He gave us gifts and we shouldn’t be afraid to use them?
I have chosen to be a stay at home mom. I’m not very good at it and it shows. My husband is worried, my in-laws are worried, and my mother who has always been supportive is worried. I love home schooling. At the same time, I have dreams upon dreams. Dreams of volunteer work, t-shirt sales, photography business, writing, motivational speaking to women and teenagers, dreams of real estate, and living in a house shaped like a foot, dreams of living outside the box. Dreams that will not let me be.
There is the “prosperity gospel” that some Christians embrace and others think is hogwash. Maybe there is a balance in there somewhere.
My big thought for the day is whether someone is a Mother Theresa or a Donald Trump, a Joel Osteen, a Madonna, or a Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar–whether a person is famous for wealth or well known in a community for good deed doing–all of these people are doers. They all took action at some point. They may never have had lofty goals of wealth and fame but they are recognized because they are people of action. Anyone we may admire, we admire because they did something. They adopted a child or children, they worked with broken marriages, they wrote an inspirational book, they lived out their faith in spite of ridicule, they lived selflessly. That Mother Theresa–did she ever! But SHE TOOK ACTION!!! She was a nurse, a teacher, a nun. She made decisions and SHE ACTED.
I am going to use success tools to be the best I can be at the job I have chosen. It may look foolish. I am going to challenge myself to be more than just a loving mom and wife. I am going to learn how to use my time wisely and serve those God has placed in my life. I am going to practice photography and writing. I am going to one day motivate other women to be able to stand on their own, to be women of joy, to not struggle and be weighed down by worry. I am going to motivate my children to be successful people. They will love God first and as a result make good choices for their life. First, I have to figure out how to stand on my own, to believe in myself, to do the things I want to do, to create what I want to create not to be a creature of reaction. I will do these things if God allows me to do them. My first priority is to my family.
Steve Chandler says the people that think about money the most are those without any. It is so true. I am tired of going without. I have lived the quiet and humble life. I want to be pleasing to God but I don’t think stifling the passion he gave me is pleasing to him at all. I was meant for action! I will take action! I wish everyone could see the condition of my home at this writing. They would laugh and say, “You are going to do these things? Ha–Good luck!”