2017 Archives - I Am A POWERFUL Woman

I want to be drunk ALL THE TIME.

First off…my mom raised me better than this.

(The picture is from The Greatest Victory and the first video I made…Lol)

My life is probably too much of an open book, but I’ve said in the recent past I’m going to be true to who I am, and if that means some people need to walk away, I’ll learn to deal.

Last night after work, my friend Amador and I went out for drinks. I’ve never understood the appeal of alcohol or why anyone would ever want to get drunk and deal with a hangover the next day.

Jason started drinking beer daily before we separated. He didn’t get drunk. It was just annoying to me because of the expense. I judged him pretty hard and even counted bottles. The EXPENSE!

When I quit being a nag, I’d taste the different beer he brought home and tease him that it all tasted like saltine crackers. He’d sit down with a pack of saltine crackers and drink a beer. Kind of redundant in my opinion.

Since the separation I’ve dabbled in different fruity drinks and had a buzz 3 or 4 times. I’ve wondered at what point a person is considered drunk. I even Googled it one night with my bottle of coconut rum.

Well I found out last night. I had 2 Bahama Mama’s on an empty stomach. As I sat there laughing and thoroughly enjoying myself I said, “I used to feel like this all the time.”

I did! I used to feel THAT in love with life on a regular basis even in the middle of crappy circumstances – very little money, a marriage falling apart, the stress of raising a house full of kids, and trying to find myself.

I don’t really want to be drunk all the time. My tiny hangover this morning helped me recognize that, but I do want to get back into the head space where I experience that drunk on life feeling.

Life has been such a turd this last decade that I truly believe it will never be as I would have it, but that’s neither here nor there. Even in the middle of the occasional disappointments and chaos, I get to choose to feel defeated or to look around at my blessings and make a plan for the day that will leave me feeling giddy about life.

If I did it once, I can do it again.

I called Bill yesterday. He asked me how I was. I teared up and said, “Not great. I should’ve called a couple of months ago.”

I poured out my little broken heart. He offered reassurance as to my humanness and told me to, “Get the (air) hug,” and I told him I’d call him when I got off work.

Forgetting my intent to call, I got drunk instead.

I’m glad I did. To momentarily feel such elation was the perfect reminder that I didn’t used to need alcohol to accomplish that feeling.

I called Bill this morning to wrap up yesterday’s conversation. I told him about my drunken revelation and said I realize my lack of discipline where daily self care is concerned is the missing link between the way I’ve experienced life recently compared to 5 years ago..

He ended the call by saying, “We’re friends for life,” and reminded me that he’s here for me any time.

I so wish YOU had the opportunity to know Bill too. If you did, he’d make the same statements of love and support to you, but you know me instead so I’ll have to share what he’s taught me as I relearn it.

For me to move forward and not be a complete victim of my thinking as I’ve been the last couple of years, there’s 2 main ingredients.

The 1st thought to let in is that I’m loved unconditionally by at least one person. (I’m blessed enough to have more than one person love me this way.) By letting in that unconditional love means just that and it isn’t going anywhere, no matter what crazy choices I make or don’t make, I’ve been able to experience that my value in the world is indeed undisputed, as is yours and everyone else’s. I forget from time to time. This unconditional love is also a pretty great example of God’s love for us. (Check out the book Real Love.)

The 2nd step is to reflect on a few Self Care thoughts to get myself grounded as my day starts.

Everything is a miracle. (Life is a gift.)
Everything is interconnected. (Every word we speak and action we take makes a difference- good or bad.)
The ONLY thing I have ANY control over is how I CHOOSE to be in the world today. (As much as I’d like to orchestrate the events of my life, it just doesn’t work that way. But I get to choose how to react to what life throws my way.)

And then a 4th thought that’s been useful for me is to be gentle with myself, to treat myself with same love and compassion I show everybody else. I really need to remember this one especially as of late. I’ve been ridiculously hard on myself and I wouldn’t dare be this way with anybody else.

So life is not as I’d have it here and now, but there is still MUCH to be thankful for and I can only do what I can to make each day a little brighter for myself and others.

Thanks for the reminder Bahama Mama!

I’m looking forward to going through life tipsy on LOVE and all things good.

You can experience the goodness of Bill’s work through his online course What Every Person Can Do. It’s the next best thing to knowing him personally 🙂

If you have questions about the online course or if you’d be interested in going through the one on one course with me, you can message me.

There have been times in this 6 year journey of learning to love myself and stepping into my power, where I’ve had to be my biggest cheerleader. Those closest to me- my mom, husband, and even close friends didn’t understand what I was up to. Why was I spending so much time blogging and Facebooking? Why would I want to pay a coach to “be my friend” when there were friends who loved me and would tell me like it was?

That was the problem though. They were going to tell me like it was, according to their limited vision for my life. They were going to tell me the practical, safe, normal way to do life. They couldn’t see what I could see for myself.

NO THANK YOU!

Don’t Rain on My Parade!

There will always be naysayers, but it’s shocking when it’s from those you ABSOLUTELY KNEW would be there to cheer you on. In my case, the people that didn’t get it originally do now, but that’s not always the case.

All of this to say, you have to believe in yourself. You have to hold tight to your visions, even when you don’t know when or how you’re going to carry them out. Don’t give up on YOU!

There have more recently been times when I’ve lost my vision, my focus, my passion – like this entire past year and a half. Thankfully there are people, like my friend Caroline, who have helped me see those dreams that have become blurry and speak POWERFUL words into my life. Caroline is a brilliant writer and as encouraging as it is to read her words, having an actual conversation with her is the REAL TREAT. She fires off one uplifting thought after another and I’m blown away by how her mind works. After a recent conversation about accepting all parts of oneself, even the parts that don’t seem to fit (for example – my inner rebel) she posted this for me. I wanted to share it with you because I want YOU to accept all the parts of you too.

This POWERFUL WOMAN journey isn’t about one of us having all the answers. We ALL have lessons to learn from each other. I hope Caroline’s words encourage you the way they encouraged me.

YOU have to define yourself for yourself.

You know who you are–you have known all along–because you know how you feel inside; you know what makes your bones ache, your blood churn, and your spirit come alive.

Logic is useful in many ways, but it is useless in defining the immeasurable, such as passion, soul, intuition.

Logic can help you make sound decisions, but trusting the intuitive parts of yourself keeps you from oppressing and suppressing the very essence of who YOU were created to be apart from everyone else.

Get off the path logic paved on its own.

Define a whole new path in uncharted territory which demands your intuition to pick up a shovel and help clear the brush.

Trust what you find on that path.

Believe in it.

Dig your truth up from the dirt and brush away all of the dust from its edges.

This is where you find yourself; this is where you free yourself.

Be ready.

When you come to fully realize YOU, you’ll never be able to unsee it.

You’ll cry. You’ll scream. You’ll think, ‘My God, there YOU were all along! Look at how beautiful you are.’

Lightness comes. With the stones of preconceived notions cast aside which served no purpose but to weigh down your pockets.

Calm comes. With self-acceptance. With self-love. With self-gratitude.

Space comes. With acceptance of others. With love for others. With gratitude for others.

Life falls into place. With the universe attracting to you all of those things which speak to your essence, your soul, your truth.

#forSarah

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