Tag Archives: control

No He Didn’t – He’s Out Of Control

Have you ever been somewhere with a friend and they do something that might be considered socially unacceptable?  Perhaps they burst into song or talked too loudly.  Maybe they acted ugly about the service they received at a restaurant and you wanted to crawl under the table and die.

Those particular situations don’t happen in my family very often but this sort of behavior does ALL THE TIME.

Jason and I took Nora to the doctor on Friday and had to wait a little too long.  Jason got bored and decided to put his “medical knowledge” to use.

Dr Appt 1

Needless to say, I was HORRIFIED as he picked up each instrument and proceeded with his “examination.”

Dr Appt 2

He noticed irritation and drainage.

Dr Appt 3

Any minute the door was bound to open.  My heart was racing as I documented the fun.  I was amused and fearful.

Dr Appt 4

Good doctors ALWAYS wash their hands after an exam is over.  After a thorough washing, Jason proceeded to explore the cabinets.  He’s always opened the drawers at doctor’s visits but never actually played with what he found like he did this time.

Dr Appt 5

Thankfully he only picked the blood pressure cuff up and put it right back.

Dr Appt 6

I had a choice to freak out and be mad about what was happening around me or accept it for what it was and let him be responsible for his actions.  I could’ve huffed and puffed and been angry, but that would’ve only stressed me out.  This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned from the What One Person Can Do program that has saved me a great deal of stress over the years.  The ONLY thing I can control is HOW I CHOOSE TO BE in the world.  I can’t control my nutty husband.  All I can control is my reaction.

Dr Appt 7

I wouldn’t go back and undo one moment of this experience.  Nora enjoyed the whole thing thoroughly.

Dr Appt 8

We could hear the doctor and a difficult patient in the room next to us, so Jason was telling Nora that they’d be able to hear us too and to keep quiet.

Dr Appt 9

A bio-hazard bag may or may not have made its way into Jason’s right pocket.  I’m not advocating any of this.  I’m just reporting the facts.

Dr Appt 10

As the fun was drawing to a close, Nora said, “It’s time to Buddy The Elf this cotton ball.”

Dr Appt 11

 

What a fun girl!  I’m extremely thankful the doctor didn’t walk in on any of this because after dealing with the cranky guy in the next room, she was NOT in a good mood when she walked into ours.

In all situations we have a choice.  Have you ever noticed the moment that you chose to react in a certain way to people or circumstances that happen to you?

I’m really mindful of my choices now.  I remember choosing to get out my phone and start snapping the insanity instead of freaking out about it.

I am mindful EACH time I decide to react angrily towards whichever child is disobeying my instruction to do A, B, or C.  I choose calm or anger.  I have the thought to say angry words and whether I’ll say them or not.  Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.  My kids don’t “make” me do it.  Their behavior doesn’t make me yell.  I choose it.

My husband wouldn’t have made me react angrily to his actions.  I would have chosen to.  I’m so glad I chose to be laid back this particular day and just enjoy the chaos that is my family.

Giving up the idea that I can control other people and recognizing my choices more often are 2 of the many practical and powerful tools found in What One Person Can Do.  If YOU are ready to experience more peace and less struggle, I’d LOVE to personally go through this program with YOU.

This program/conversation has been conducted in schools, corporations, prisons, and one on one with the program’s founder, Bill Cumming, and other program conveners for 30 years.  Space is EXTREMELY limited for anyone wishing to go through this with me.  I only have room to work with 10 women, so click HERE to contact me (or Bill) with questions and to grab your spot.

There’s also an online version of the program available HERE.  It’s an incredibly affordable option.  12 weeks of support for what 1 hour of counseling would cost!  But…and I know this firsthand, even reasonably priced is not an option sometimes, so don’t write this off. Partial and full scholarships are available for those that need them and are serious about going through the work for both the online and one on one programs.

Wishing you all the peace and happiness your heart can hold,

Sarah

duck face

 

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Are You Afraid?

Fear

Are You Afraid?

“Some mornings you just need to punch fear in the face & tell it to shut up! Go past the emotions & don’t look back! Then, make it habit!”
~Sandi Krakowski

I didn’t eat much for a couple of years, as a child, because I was terrified of being poisoned. My mom had to take the first bite of any food I was afraid to eat to get me to eat it. She ended up taking me to a psychologist because I started looking malnourished.

My dad was diagnosed with MS when I was four and all of the unknown about what was going on around me, manifested itself in me being afraid of EVERYTHING. The psychologist encouraged my dad to spend one on one time with me. I eventually started eating properly again.

My irrational fears, while not as intense as they were during that period of my life, followed me into adulthood. The fear went from being afraid of being poisoned, to being afraid of a house fire (I was so scared any time Smokey the Bear came to school to talk about fire prevention), to being afraid my mom wouldn’t come home after work. As I got older I feared being raped. As a young adult, I had anxiety about severe weather. After that fear subsided, I felt like life was going too good and every time the phone rang, I was afraid it was going to be bad news, because how long could this happy time possibly last?

Do you know how many times the things I have obsessively worried about have actually happened? Like once! and I survived.

What changed?

Stay tuned

When I was 21, I had a few small panic attacks following a big hail storm. I got to a place where I wasn’t functioning properly on days there was a threat of severe weather. I’d pass up opportunities to get out with my 3 year old and socialize. Instead I would just stay home and hide from the clouds. I went to talk to a counselor about my fear. She reassured me that I wasn’t the only one in town traumatized by that storm.

At some point I noticed that our local weathermen like to create a lot of drama about potential severe weather, because they don’t see a lot of action here. Because of our karst topography, we don’t get the severe weather that other parts of the state and country get. I came to the realization that I can’t do anything about severe weather one way or the other. I HATED the way it felt to be afraid, so I quit watching the weather. I also felt like being terrified didn’t show much trust in God and why would anyone want to become a Christian if Christians were so afraid? There was also a coming to terms with the fact that I am going to die one day and if that’s how it’s going to happen, then that’s how it’s going to happen, (but more than likely it wouldn’t happen in my hometown so I could quit worrying about it so much.)

The second big shift came about 3 years ago. I was listening to Steve Chandler talk about how much energy people spend worrying about things that DO NOT ever happen. That audio gave me permission to quit being so fearful. It was exactly what I needed to hear. He went on to say that we can use that same amount of energy to create solutions and take action to improve situations that we can actually do something about. If there is nothing that can be done, we can focus our energy in a different direction besides worry. Do what you can and then MOVE ON.

The ONLY thing I can control is how I CHOOSE to BE in the world today. I have absolutely ZERO control over anything or anyone but myself.

If someone who spent as many years being afraid as I did can overcome fear then I KNOW you can too!

A Self Care routine is helpful in overcoming fearful thoughts as well. It’s a daily reminder that this day is a gift and you get to choose whether to live it in fear or bravely facing your fear. Read more about Self Care here.

Thanks so much for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts about this post. Come over to facebook and let me hear em!
Sarah Boucher blog picture

Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to find their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there. If you are interested in learning more about What One Person Can Do or one on one coaching, you can contact Sarah here.

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Take A Smile

www.takeasmile.org

Take A Smile
If your husband has a bad attitude today…take a smile.
If your kids aren’t listening to a word you say…take a smile.
If your car is in the shop or
your washing machine is broken…take a smile.
If someone you love dearly is in the hospital…take a smile.
If someone you care about is addicted to drugs or alcohol…take a smile.
If you are a single mom…take a smile.
If you are a widow…take a smile.
If you are sad…take a smile.
If there’s no money in your bank account…take a smile.
If EVERYTHING seems to be going wrong…take a smile.

YOU are a POWERFUL woman. YOU are breathing and life is still a gift. We are all connected. This smile that you take, will lift your spirit and you will bless the next person. All of those circumstances above happen to us and go on around us every day. We can’t DO anything about them. The ONLY thing we have any control over is the way we CHOOSE to BE in the world. So…know someone cares very much about you and take a smile.

Self Care is the resource I turn to daily that helps me smile even through “tough” times.

YOU are going to be okay…one day at a time.

I want to hear what you have to smile about today, even if you are walking through a trial.
Let me know in the comments below.

~Sarah
Sarah Boucher

Sarah Boucher offers encouragement for women to grow in their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman.

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How Did You Cope?

Boucher Family

The Boucher Family

When I started I Am A Powerful Woman on facebook, my biggest problem was that we were a family of seven with very little income.  I was on top of the world emotionally.  I was no longer a victim of my own thinking.  I was creating my days instead of reacting to them.  Nothing could bring me down or so I thought.  I was living through tough financial times and I wasn’t freaking out over everyday challenges. In all our years of marriage I felt like we always had our priorities straight.  We didn’t have money but we had each other and five healthy kids.  We were rich indeed.  And it was just getting ready to turn around for us financially.  My husband was promoted to management and we finally had enough money to get on top of our financial situation.

My husband moved out of the house a month ago.  I was completely blindsided.  My well being flew out of the window and I crashed hard.  I am not angry–just very sad.  We are not at each others’ throats.  Our communication is civil and the situation could be much worse than it is, but it is still not at all the way I would choose for my life to be going.  I was CRAZY in love with him and my life was completely intertwined with his.  I am still scratching my head over this turn of events and what is to become of me.

Some of my first thoughts were that I would be okay one day.  I will get through this and it is an opportunity to explore my life independently.  I was a young wife and mother and have never been independent from another grown up.  Some days I have been just fine.  Other days I don’t know how I could ever be happy again.

I thought recently about how much pressure he was under to provide for such a large family and how unhappy he was in that struggle–especially the last couple of years.  During his darkest days was when I learned I had control over my thoughts and could be happy regardless of other people’s emotional state and actions.  I soared.  He sunk.

My feelings of despair have really shaken me up.  Will I ever be happy again?  How is it possible that I was able to feel happiness in the midst of his stress, but I can’t feel it now?  How can I separate my life from his and find myself again?  Where did my POWER go?

Have you been in my position?  Are you here now?  I am very curious as to how others coped through these hard days of learning a new way to live without sinking into despair and not functioning.  The best advice I have been given for really rough days is to ask myself, “Am I breathing?”  and then ask, “What’s the next thing?”  With five kids, there is always a next thing to be done.

I cannot change the past.  It is what it is.  The ONLY thing I can control is the way I CHOOSE to BE in the world today.

I made a list yesterday of all of the things that I have done for myself or that others have done for me that have encouraged me during this time.  Here are a few of the things on my list.

* Self Care

* bubble bath

* candles

* an $8 purse

* Pumpkin Spice Latte

* dinner with a couple of friends (Yummy Mexican food!!!)

* my mom took me to the movies (a lovely distraction–We saw Dark Knight Rising.  Nothing like fighting and killing to get over a broken heart.)

* I bought a puppy for my kids

Puppy Power

Puppy Power!

* Loads of love and support from friends and family–texts and calls.   These have meant so much to me.

How did you cope?  What did you do (or are presently doing) to make it through a similar situation?  What helpful books did you read?  Comment below or come over to fb and share.

 

 

 

 

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