The other night, I was feeling so flat. My girls left earlier that morning for their weekly 3 night stretch with their dad. I’m always low that first day they’re away. I haven’t figured out how to be a part time mom yet or much of anything about single life. This crap is challenging.
I called my mom and asked her to accompany me to a laundromat while I washed my comforter. We talked while I watched the suds and flower comforter swirl around in the oversized machine.
“I think I missed my calling as a laundromat attendant.”
My mom laughed.
She’s a retired therapist. We talked about her new apartment, my kids, our spiritual journey, laundry…
On our way to get ice cream afterward, I told her that I felt like I was being a big baby because I can’t seem to move beyond all of these feelings of loss and grief and I know there are people with major problems and mine pale in comparison.
She posed this question. “Imagine you lost your leg. Would that hurt?”
I’m sure I said something like, “Yeah. Of course.”
“And then you met someone who lost both of their legs. Would that make the loss of your own leg any less painful?”
She then listed some of the painful events I’ve experienced in my life, from my Dad’s illness over the course of my childhood and his passing, all the way up to my marital problems and the end of that relationship. She listed the concerns that weigh on me daily and the struggles I’m currently facing and then commended me on being a survivor.
While this didn’t make my concerns vanish, I walked away from the visit feeling loved and seen.
To Be Seen
To be seen is huge. There are a few conversations that stand out in my memory where someone told me that they saw me and it really had an impact on me.
The phrase To Be Seen keeps running through my mind, but really To Be Acknowledged is probably an easier way to express what I’m trying to say.
I feel like, especially in a marriage, one of the biggest desires either spouse has is to have their efforts acknowledged and to feel appreciated. Everyone is doing their part to take care of the relationship, household, and family, but those efforts most often go unseen, unappreciated.
Even outside of a marriage, what about in the workplace? Doesn’t everyone want to be seen and appreciated for their contribution? Don’t employees want their bosses to value the work they do and all the money they make for the company?
What about in any relationship ever? Parents and children, friends, you name it. We all just want to be valued.
So let’s do that for each other. Let’s SEE the woman behind the cash register, the man at the drive thru window, our co workers, our significant others, our children…our parents.
Just a thought. Take it or leave it. I hope you take it and I also hope that you can feel that even though I can’t physically see you, I SEE YOU. I know that you’re out there today, doing what you do, with your whole heart for the people you love. I SEE YOU.
Sarah Boucher happily encourages women to grow in their power daily at I Am A Powerful Woman. Come join the conversation there.
